Wednesday, January 31, 2007
“Hello, may I speak to Jessie Goh, please?” a girl’s voice said.
“Erm, speaking,” I answered.
“Jessie, I’m calling from Josh Lim and Associates and I would like to ask you, are you currently employed or unemployed?” she asked.
“Currently unemployed at the moment,” I replied.
“Okay, may I know what is there that you can do?” more questions from her
“Erm, basically I do 3D animating,” I replied.
“Can you use Photoshop?” she asked
“Yeah, I can...” I replied.
“Erm, what other programs that you can use?” she asked.
“Well, I could use Adobe Audition but only knowing the basic things,” I said
“Okay, do you have a demo reel that we can see?” she asked.
“Well, I do have one…” I said slowly.
“Is it in CD format or…?” she asked.
“Well, I could send it in CD format or email it to your company if you like,” I suggested.
“Okay, our email is email@example.com ,” she said.
While taking a pen and jotting down the email I just muttered “Yes, uh-huh.”
“Please check out our website at www.josh.com.my,” she promoted.
“Okay. I will,” I said
“Will you be free for interview next week?” she asked.
“Erm, maybe I will tell you the details later,” I said.
“Okay, thank you for your time. Bye bye,” and she hung up.
I just sat in my car and most of the time I kept thinking, “Who is this Josh Lim? What is that company about? Why is it so familiar to me?” Then it dawned upon me that during my PR job time for graduation campaign I had to call that company and promote our batch’s graduation night. No wonder it was really familiar.
When I reached college, I asked around and the rest also received calls from Josh Lim’s company. Then Beatrice suggested that we all one group and stalk that company during the interview and asked, “So, do you want to interview us as a group or as an individual?” Pretty amusing idea I should say. Then I logged onto the website and checked out their company and realized that they did a motion graphic for my cousin’s company, Manhattan Fish Market. I was thinking whether they still have the file for me to see or I should ask my cousin how was the result of the video…that thought seems very appealing to me now. But technically, that company mostly deals with multimedia and flash animations which are really not my line which I want to be involved in.
After that, Beatrice, Sylvia, Chih Lun, Alvin, Terrence, Darren, Kin Leong and I went to ss 14 for a bak ku teh dinner. We all crammed into Chih Lun’s Savvy while Kin Leong went to sit with Alvin’s motorcycle. When we reached there, Chih Lun was the one who ordered and the food came almost instantly. I was starving that time because I slept until the afternoon and missed my breakfast and lunch. Not only that, at home there wasn’t anything for me to eat either even if I am awake earlier. While eating, Darren, Kin Leong and Terrence were teasing me with the pig’s stomach because they know that I don’t like to eat it. So whenever they take the pig’s stomach, they would say, “Jessie, come you must try this. It is very nice. It is good for you…” I shriek my reply “No way, you eat! I don’t want!” That made them laugh because I guess they find it really amusing.
After eating everything, we just sat there for a while chatting and Chih Lun was asking Beatrice whether she is going to P.O.V to work. She replied, “Of course.”
“Then what happens if Lucas Film calls you for interview?” Chih Lun asked.
“Erm, then I also go lah! But I will work in P.O.V first,” she said with a laugh.
“Yeah, if she goes to P.O.V and if I manage to go in, I can pick her up to go to work,” I said.
“Where you stay?” Kin Leong asked
“Near One Utama,” I answered.
“Wah, you want to go all the way to Pyramid just to pick Beatrice then go to P.O.V?” Kin Leong said in shock.
“Yeah, then?” I replied.
“Wah, petrol money not expensive for you hor,” Kin Leong said.
“No, for Jessie, friendship is nothing to do with petrol!” Darren said with a laugh.
All of us laughed at that line and Kin Leong said, “Yeah, for her, petrol is nothing because mommy and daddy pay for it.” This was oddly true for me.
“Can ask her to contribute to petrol money what,” I said.
“So Beatrice, you stay there how long? You paid the rent for how long,” Chih Lun asked.
“Until February only,” she replied.
“So that means you have to shift lah?” Chih Lun asked.
“Yeah of course,” she said.
Then later we talked some more and decided to head back to college to continue with our near dateline projects. Vincent came and checked the sounds later and asking me to redo some parts because it wasn’t fitting with the animation that we did. Then Hooi Ling also came and I pitied her because she was suffering from gastric and had to wait for Bryan to come.
We managed to view Darren’s group animation and also Moon Liang’s animation just now. It was really exciting to see their completed work, well for Darren’s group it is but for Moon Liang’s group they needed a lot of help according to what Vincent said. Vincent said that Darren and Terrence should try to help Moon Liang and Wei Jae with the sounds because it was really pitiful for them to do almost everything by themselves and their missing member seem to be having more excuses that is enough to publish a book.
I just realized that the time now is 1 almost 2 in the morning so basically the previous story I have told was meant to be yesterday’s story. Since the date now is the 31st of January, I guess that today is my final day as a college student. I wonder what will happen from now on…can’t wait to find out.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
I was asleep in my room, since I had a rough day yesterday and came back around 5am this morning. Parents tend to disturb you at the peek of dawn even though they know that you just came back during that time and needed some sleep. But nevertheless, I think they are jus concern of me. My brother woke up at 630am asking me whether I will be picking them up, and with my face on my pillow I muffled a “Yes” to him. Thinking that I could finally manage to get some sleep without any disturbance, my dad came in and passed me a box. Yes, it was a box and even when I was half asleep I could manage to take out and see what was inside the box. Apparently it was from Amanah Raya thing and inside that box it has a little wallet for you to put your name cards in and also a pen. I thank my dad with my eyes shut and plopped myself back to bed and hid under the blankets because it was so nice and cold.
Now waking up, and I am sitting here typing this entry, I just realized that the date is 30th January and the next day is my final day in college. I am going to miss college due to the fact that I have made so many friends there and also not forgetting the memories too. Lecturers and friends who each of them manage to play an important role in my life, somehow influencing me without me even realizing. Thinking back throughout my college years, I never guessed that I could even reach this far. I must thank to all my friends and also of course the lecturers for guiding me through these 3 years. At first when I was doing my last term, I was just thinking it was just another day in college, another term, and more new things to learn. Then suddenly it dawned upon me, “This is your last term in college and soon you are a graduate”
I kept thinking, “Have 3 years gone by so fast without me even realizing?” I guess it is because I look forward to be going to college each day. Every morning waking up and going to college seem fun to me. It’s because I know that each day I will have a memories for me to remember by. It even could be as simple as Joey, Sylvia, Kelsie and I just sitting down…let’s say at Starbucks drinking coffee and talking about anything. It could be as simple as that. That is enough to be counted as a memory for me to remember by.
Coming to think of it, college have evolved me to become who I am today. Besides the outlook appearance which I could see from my previous photos, like what Joey said the last time when she saw one of my old pictures on Friendster where I was smiling and wearing some top and the caption there was “I must smile ßforced” , “Jessie, you look….so…PLAIN!” It was pretty amusing to see my previous photos and the comparing the ones now. Who knew that I have become a whole new person during my college years? Despite the fact from my outlook appearances, I tend to take things in a brighter side these days. During my high school time, I was pretty much a hyper kid but not that all optimistic. Guessed I learn to live to this motto, “You only live once, enjoy life to the maximum.”
According to Beatrice, she said that we might have a screening which made me really happy and also strive to finish the animation as fast as possible so she can get some rest. I really respect Beatrice because even though she is down with a dengue fever she still manages to continue on with the final project. Talk about pure determination. Most of the time I am pestering her to go home early but well, knowing her, when it comes to work, it must be completed first and she wouldn’t listen to me. Nevertheless, she did go home early once in a while, waiting for
Yesterday Lucas Film came to our college and viewed each of our own demo reel and giving us feed back. Everyone had pretty much great feedback but basically I tell you what I was feeling that time. When Terrence when and showed his demo reel, I felt as though “Oh man, my demo reel sucks. Maybe I should hide myself and pretend I didn’t do it.” But I couldn’t because I was pretty much dressed up for the “interview” Then later Darren went and showed his thing. Knowing Darren, his works are beyond, in my own words…Godlike. That made me felt really bad and I also didn’t want to go out there and I kept whispering to Kelsie saying “My one so bad…Dare not show…” Kelsie just replied me with “Come, let’s go to toilet...” After Darren was Beatrice and I was sitting at the same row with her and the panic is starting to sink in. My hands were sweating because of my nervousness despite the fact that naturally my hands are really sweaty due to genetic causes…My sister also has really sweaty palms.
Continuing the story, Beatrice showed her kick-ass demo reel and they were pretty much impressed I suppose. I was too busy calming the butterflies in my stomach to notice it. Then Sylvia went showing off her awesome demo and also she managed to get some feed back. When it came to my turn, I wiped my hands on my slacks hoping that it wouldn’t be too sweaty when I shake hands with the person who is giving us the feedback named Matt. Previewing my demo reel I was basically shivering. Well, another factor to contribute to the shivers was because the air con was blasting at me and I was basically turning into a Popsicle on the spot. After seeing my demo reel, they clapped (well, technically after every demo reel they clapped) and Matt’s feedback was good. He liked my 3D modeling interior because of the lighting and he thought that it was a class lighting practice which was conducted here. Come to think of it, they should have these classes. Anyway, continuing on, he also said that my character animation, the walk with expression was really energetic which was pretty good. But he asked for basic walk, male and female, a basic run cycle, weight lifting and all that. It got me thinking to redo my weight lift and do some animating now.
When Matt was giving his feedback, all I could mutter was “Yes, thank you. Okay.” And believe me, I sounded as though I am going to cry or faint. Then when it came to Kelsie turn, well, she was special! It is because they previewed her demo reel twice which she came telling me “Very embarrassing…they played two times…” To be honest, in that particular situation, they thought that Kelsie wanted to apply as a lighting artist and didn’t know that she also wanted to be an animator. Therefore Matt was focusing more on her demo reel seeing what lightings she have done and when Kelsie told him that she also wanted to apply to be an animator, they had to preview it again so he could see her animations. Pretty cool. After her turn, it was
Furthering on, after
Sylvia went home early because she has nothing to do and she wasn’t feeling too well. Beatrice and Kelsie stayed well, I understand for Beatrice because she wanted to check whether the songs that I do are suitable or not. But for Kelsie I guess her staying for the heck of it. Luckily she stayed though because she helped me to find some sounds that were needed for the animation. I have completed my task and will show Vincent by today evening, or maybe Beatrice might show it to him later in the afternoon. Some juniors were staying back that night itself and I just went to disturb them, because I was pretty bored and was too lazy to listen to classical music that will put me to sleep.
Then this junior, Siu Gi asked me, “Over here in
“Actually it works both ways. It is because we don’t celebrate White Day like Japanese do.” For you information White Day is a day when the guys give stuffs to the girl and for Valentine’s Day it is the girls that give stuffs to the guys in
“Oh, okay. So does girl prefers flowers or chocolate?” he asked.
“Both actually,” I replied.
“But if I give chocolate wouldn’t it be better? At least she can eat it,” he said.
“It is up to you I guess. Just give what ever you want to the girl. Whether be flowers of chocolates,” I said with a laugh.
“Oh, okay…thanks yah,” he said.
“No problem…” I replied.
Come to think about it Valentine’s Day is coming. Maybe I should go out and hang with Joey, Sylvia and Kelsie. Wait, I guess Kelsie is out of the picture because her boyfriend is coming back from
The only time I went out on Valentine’s Day is with Daniel Lee, my church mate’s cousin. If I could remember, we went to the Curve and ate at T.G.I.F and I couldn’t finish the food because I was practically panicking again because I don’t know what to do and despite the fact that I don’t know what to talk to him. Believe me; it is rare to see me keeping quiet with a person I know. I guess there wasn’t any chemistry with me and him that night and thus, not much of a conversation happening. Or maybe he is just shy. But he was pretty sweet though, he gave me a real pearl pendant, thing necklace. Well, I think it is real because when I opened it at home there was this oyster thing which I have to pry open to get the pearl. The pearl was called a Love Pearl and he also gave me chocolates. That night itself my mother was really happy because her daughter is going out on a date with a guy and she kept asking me who is this “Daniel” and basically she asked me questions that is enough for her to put him on the list of “Son-in-laws to be”. My sister saw the pearl oyster thing too that night and she was screaming to my mom, “Mommy! Ting Ting got pearl necklace. No fair.” I felt pretty odd after that.If you are thinking that he and I actually got together as a couple, I would say no because I felt that he and I are just merely friends. Daniel managed to find another and I am happy for him.
Oh well, let’s just see what happens on Valentine’s Day this year and I want to see whether during that celebration would be a memorable one for me.
Friday, January 26, 2007
For instance, Manfred became Man Fai in the movie and due to the fact that the other characters called Man Fai, Fai Fai for short, it is as though calling Terrence because it is his Chinese name. It was pretty amusing that time, when certain scenes being played we would call Terrence. Then there is this one particular part where Diego (which in Cantonese they pronounced it differently which to me it sounded like Diet Coke instead) said “Fai Fai is a good man” (Well, it was said in Cantonese but I just translate it on the spot) and Terrence looked at me and repeated the same sentence to me and I replied with “I don’t believe…” which made the entire people in the lab laughed. Then Terrence just kept repeating the sentence to himself and also occasionally to me which I just kept repeating the same answer I gave him previously.
After the movie ended, I had no choice but to get back to my work but I can’t blame myself if I tend to wander around by opening my own music or just browsing through the normal sites which I usually surf through. On the lighter part of my mind, I kept thinking about how I am feeling lately. I mean, I felt as though I have loved another but it is ridiculous to me because I felt that it is too fast. Even though I have moved on, it still takes time for a broken heart to heal. Loving another so soon, to me just feel as though I am a player and I hate this feeling.
Maybe it is just lust or maybe it is just a temporary crush thing. It also could be that I am not sure of my own feelings or I am in the state of confusion. It happens most of the time and I somehow will find out what I am truly feeling later. Infatuation is what others told me. I hope that isn’t it. It takes a while for a person who is broken to love another, right? Guess I just confused with my own feelings.
Funnily enough, lately people keep telling me things which I find it really amusing. How often do you get people coming up to you and say, “Did you just break up?”
“Yeah” I replied.
“Oh, sorry to hear that, so that means you are single now?” came the question.
“Yeah, what a stupid question to ask,” I said.
“May I ask how did it end? If you don’t mind me asking,”
“He fell out of love,” I just answered.
“Oh, sorry to hear that, but don’t worry! I am sure that a lot of guys will be lining up to date you!” came the morale support line.
“Haha, I don’t think so. That would be much exaggerated,” I said.
“Nah, I am serious. You are pretty and nice. I am sure of it.”
“Erm, thanks for the compliment,” I said even though I felt slightly uncomfortable.
“So, would you give me a chance? Let’s go on a date,” the biggest hint that anyone could give me.
I didn’t answer him but I just sat in front of the computer stupefied yet amused at the same time. He wasn’t the first one who said that. I have few others saying that to me but I take them as jokes even though one promised to call me out for our little “date”. When I told Joey about it, she would laugh and ask me to go for it. She even came up a joke where I should start a booth and ask the guys to take a number and wait for their turn. It was pretty absurd but at least we managed to get a few laughs from it. Maybe I should start one soon, don’t you think so? Just kidding.
My mom just told me that we are going to shift to our new house on the 12th of February which I think it is late because I am very excited to see the new house that we are moving too. After pestering my dad for few times complaining that the house is breaking apart and the cupboards are just falling, my dad finally gave in and found a place for us to move too. I have stayed in my current house for 10 years to be exact, or maybe closer to 11 now, I am not too sure. But nevertheless, I basically grew up in that house and also learn how to evolve. Maybe in the new house I will evolve even more and become a whole new person? I don’t know. That sentence I wrote just now, amuses me. I have never seen the new house before because I want to surprise myself with it.
My maid told me that my sister is coming back to Malaysia on the 30th of January. She just went back not to long ago to re-sit some papers and my dad offered her a plane ticket to celebrate Chinese New Year with the family. I wonder whether this year I would have more ang pows since I am not going back to my hometown so to speak. Darn, hope that my cousins from Singapore will come down to Kuala Lumpur again so I can collect more ang pows from them and also can see my niece and nephew.
I can’t wait to shift to the new place. I can’t wait for a lot of new things to happen. After all, this is a new year, what do you think?
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
I shall begin my story of waking up at ten in the morning because I had a phone call from Joey because she is worried whether her boy has arrived. To those who are wondering what I meant by “boy” it is basically a doll, a ball jointed type of doll which cost around a thousand and they are beautiful. Hope that it is clear enough for you to understand. Furthering on my story, later on in that hour which is almost eleven, my mom asked me to accompany her to the agency where we can hire maids because she is afraid that they wouldn’t be any parking space so I have to sit in the car and drive it around.
Luckily enough my mom managed to find a parking space and I had to get down from the car and follow her to the agency. When all the procedures were done, more like what she had wanted to do, we were on our way home when my mom received a call from her friend, whom I shall addressed as Aunty Helen. If you are wondering how in the world I could hear their phone conversation, simple. It was on loudspeaker mode.
“Hi Catherine, I want to ask you something, want to go to Rain’s concert with me?” she asked.
“Hi Helen dear. Why now you ask me? At first I wanted to go and I was asking my daughter to go with me but she doesn’t like Rain. I thought mostly the young teenagers are crazy over him and I didn’t know that my age group of people who is crazy of Rain. So I agreed to follow my husband for this open house dinner thingy,” my mom replied.
“Aiya, like that ah…,”Aunty Helen said.
“Yalor, if you have asked me earlier, like last week I would have agreed. But now so hard because I cannot say no to the other party hor,” my mom said.
“True true,” Aunty Helen agreed.
“Eh Helen, you know the Taiwanese show Lavender hor, you must watch! Aiyo, the guy Ambrose Hsu so good looking! When I watch that show I keep repeating the show.” my mom excitedly said.
“I think I have seen him before. But I don’t like Taiwanese show. The story line, so boring wor,” she replied.
“Aiyah, I also don’t like Taiwanese show but when erm, I forgot her name lend me her cd’s hor she said, you watch this show and you see the guy you sure fall in love one!” my mom said with a laugh. “Wah, when I saw the show, I really fell in love with him! Aiyo, so good looking. When I lend my other daughter, Su Yee to watch she can come to me and say, Mommy I want to date him.”
I was practically sitting in the car trying not to laugh with the phone conversation they were having but there is more…
Laughter was heard from both sides and Aunty Helen said, “This Ambrose Hsu, very familiar his name…”
“Go online now and search Google and type Ambrose Hsu, his name is spelt A-M-B-R-O-S-E H-S-U” my mom said.
“Later lah I go watch, you know Cat, my daughter keep saying Mommy, why you keep watching this shows and going crazy over the guys. Normally we all do this, not you people wor,” Aunty Helen explained.
“Helen, like I always say to people, I am 48 but 21 at heart! I don’t mind telling people my age as long I also tell them how I feel at heart. The most important thing I am always 21 at heart,” my mom said with a laugh.
“Ya, ya Cat. I keep telling people I am 50 going on 16!” Aunty Helen said and started laughing her head off. “And then people will look at me and say how can!”
“Never mind Helen, we people may look old but we are forever young at heart. See, I am 21 at heart can go party with my eldest daughter,” my mom said.
“Oh ya, Cat, you got watch this show, I forgot the title already, I stole from my daughter because I saw her watching it and a lot of pretty boys. You must watch, later I drop by your office tomorrow and give it to you,” Aunty Helen said.
“Lend me hor, really ar?” my mom asked.
“Yeah, must see! I lend you,” Aunty Helen said.
“Wah, thank you dear,” my mom said with a loud laugh.
“Don’t thank me; I just take from my daughter. Normally these teenagers go crazy over them, but we all also join in the craze,” Aunty Helen replied. “Okay lah, I see you tomorrow. If I don’t, I just drop it in your letterbox hor.”
“Okay okay. Thank you yah, bye bye.”
Then they hung up and I looked at my mom and said, “Crazy people.”
“What crazy, that is the whole fun of it,” my mom said with a smile.
Who knew that my mom and her friends would go fan-girl-ing over Korean artistes or Taiwanese artistes? Man, I should be at home more often. Nevertheless, it was pretty amusing to hear the conversation just now though with the overly used of lahs, yahs, aiyos, wahs, hors, ars, well, it is just another typical Malaysian talk. I do it too all the time. Just that I don’t type it in my journal.
Oh, surprisingly yesterday was much a crazy day for me. Even though I was dying from the gastric pains I am having, I was laughing till my sides ache. Banging heads with Sylvia. Okay, that was exaggerated. It is more like, Sylvia and I decided to hug each other but in the end we ended up banging our heads at each other by accident. Further more, I had someone saying the sweetest things to me online and also received hugs. Thank you. That made me feel better and I could actually see the whole in a bright new perspective again. The things you did, actually made me moved on. Good bye to old flame. Welcoming the new ones. To my mates, you know you what you did and I thank you for it! Love you guys!
Monday, January 22, 2007
On Saturday, I went to the Joint after my church mass because I was invited by this junior of mine named Bard. Anyway, Sylvia and I came early somehow and we hung out at Pyramid eating KFC for dinner and just walking around. Later by 10pm, we went to the Joint meeting up with Bard and another junior who came, Johnny.
In the beginning, it was pretty bland due to the fact that everyone was watching the football game. Then after the game itself, then the DJ started to play some songs. At first it was the 80’s music then later it slowly played some music which us, teenagers listen to.
We were serve some drink which it has some alcohol in it but not that much and I asked Sylvia, “Have you drink alcohol before?”
“Nope, I never did. Not even once.” she replied.
A burst of panic swarmed over me and I said, “Err, can you take alcohol?”
“I don’t know…”she said
I told Bard and Johnny that Sylvia can’t take alcohol so Bard who knows the boss of the place decided to get her something not alcohol, like ice lemon tea. But Sylvia seems to be happy sipping her ice lemon tea and at times also taking a sip from her alcohol drink. So she alternatively sips a bit of that alcohol drink and then takes a sip from her ice lemon tea. Then we just sat there and chat, well, basically I did most of the talking with Bard and Johnny while Sylvia kept quiet throughout the day unless I speak to her.
Then Joey and Regine arrived at the Joint and we just sat down and talked with each other. Then a funny thing happened. Joey and Regine went to the toilet while the boys went out to promote the place or something. This is what I saw Sylvia do…she took Joey’s drink and sipped it and put it back again. I just looked at her and said, “Sylvia, if you really want one that badly, I will order it for u.” And that is what I did. I called for the bartender, a very hot young lady and ordered the drinks.
Joey and Regine came back from their trip from the bathroom and I told her what Sylvia did and Sylvia just smiled shyly. The drinks came and she was asking me, “I want ice lemon tea.”
“Never mind, you drink this so you don’t have to steal sips from us. Just a glass, okay?” I said
“I want ice lemon tea,” she said while smiling.
I didn’t know what to do next. But in the end she managed to drink finish her drink by pouring some to refill Johnny’s drink and mine. I think that night where the girls get free drinks. So we always getting refills for free besides having Bard saying, “Just say me. Put it under my name.”
While laughing and joking with each other, then Bard was waiting for his music to come on so he can dance. We asked, “What song are you going to dance too?”
“Justin Timberlake.” was the reply.
After few rounds of the 80’s then suddenly Bard’s song came. We all looked at him and he was already heading towards the small dance floor at the Joint. Before he went, he said to me, “After I go, come and dance with me and drag the rest with you.” My reaction was, “I got two left feet and the last thing you want to do with me, is to bring me on the dance floor.” Anyway, on with the story, Bard is a superb dancer. He just hit it on the dance floor as though the world isn’t there but just him. While he was dancing to the music, I realized that he kept looking at our table asking us to come out and dance. I looked at Johnny and pestered him to go out, then at Regine. Well, all I know that Regine does go to clubs so she should be able to dance. But I guess she was too shy therefore she didn’t.
The song ended and Bard also completed his dance. Claps were applauded and the boss of the Joint gave Bard a drink. He came back sweating and I asked, “Aren’t you hot wearing two shirts?”
“Oh, the other is singlet,” he replied. “I called you to come and dance, why didn’t you?”
“You were dancing so well, that’s why I decided to give you the spotlight,” I teased.
Bard just laughed. All of us were telling him how well he danced just now. Johnny on the other hand was asking me to get refills for him because we girls have free refills. Later the boss came and just started refilling our cups and he placed a pitcher, well, almost a pitcher I guess on the table. I preferred the first batch of drinks because after that refill, it became way bitter and sour at the same time. But nevertheless, I just kept on drinking.
Regine just became tipsy and she was rocking back and forth her chair. Joey and I were worried because she was driving home and Joey decided to take her drink away from her but Regine kept denying that she is drunk and drank some more. Thank goodness she had to go home before 12am therefore she wasn’t able to drown herself in alcohol. Her movements were swaying and I was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to drive back. The boys went to walk the girls to the car; Sylvia had to go home too.
Only Joey and I just left at the Joint and we just started talking and she was telling me things which I won’t be writing it down though she did tell me some interesting facts which she found out that night. Then while we were stuck into that particular topic, Bard came back without Johnny. Then we three sat down at the Joint, talking.
Then suddenly we noticed that the lady customer dragged the boss of the Joint out for a dance. Funnily enough, the boss was reluctant and kept pulling his arm from her grasp. It was amusing. After that, the customer gave up and danced with her partner. It was so sweet that I could die from it. Then we discussed about things where I found out how obsessed Johnny was with Regine. But I guess he isn’t anymore and also we found out that Johnny went home with Regine. On the lighter note, Regine reached home safe and sound because she sent a text message to Joey. Thank goodness. When I asked Bard how much the bill was so I could pay him back, he said it is okay and I was surprised.
Then Joey said she wants to walk for a while to get rid of the smell of alcohol from her so her mom wouldn’t know. We thought that Bard was going to head home too because he stays in PJS9 which is just nearby but in the end he walked us to my car. After he left, Joey and I just hung around some more and started talking about serious things. We just sat in the car for quite a long time and in the end we went back home around two in the morning if I can remember it correctly. It was pretty fun that night even though we just basically did nothing but just sat there talking.
On a random note, I just found out that my ex had blocked me from MSN and also I guessed that he has blocked my best mates from it too. I was wondering why he is reacting this way and when I asked my pet brother, Nicklaus, he said “Just forget about him. He is just being childish by blocking you or even ignoring you. Forget him!”
“I’m trying. It is odd and hurtful to me, but I am trying,” I said when I felt tears in my eyes.
“You don’t cry okay? He is just being childish. If he wants to be that way, block him on MSN too!” Nick said
I laughed and replied, “How am I supposed to block him on MSN when he has already blocked me?”
A moment of paused and his reply, “Never mind. Just forget him okay? He is just being childish. Even I don’t block my ex from my MSN nor delete her pictures. I just take them out from Friendster and put them in another folder.”
“Okay, I will try. Thanks Nick, talking to you makes me better,” I said
“I know, I’m a great guy. I can’t help myself you know?” he teased.
“Nick, tonight we go out for a drink. Can?” I asked.
“Sure, no problem,” he said. “What time are you free?”
“I don’t know because I have to pick my siblings up from school at 3.30pm. I will call you? Today you can go out anytime, right?” I asked.
“Yeah, I guess after I clean my room. You remember the pile of mess you saw in my room that day?” he asked
“Yeah, what about it?” I said
“My mom said that I have to clean that mess up for Chinese New Year. So I guess I better start now if not I can’t go out,” he said.
“Okay, will call you when I am free or at college or something,” I said with a laugh.
We hung up and surprisingly, the tears that I felt coming suddenly faded away. The power of what friends can do to you though I still feel empty inside. Guess when Nick comes or when I go to college, I shall seek a hug from someone. Hope that I will feel better after finding the hugs I seek and will be able to forget him from now on. I do say that I have to forget him but my mind isn’t functioning to process that. Nicole asked me to kill him in my mind but I told her that it is hard to do so.
I guess I am pretty lucky in sense that I have people around me to support me when I am falling down. I should repay them by standing up again on my own and show them how strong I have become instead. I know that I was broken down the first time and I managed to stand back again. Even though I felt down harder this time, I know that I will stand back up again and will become stronger than I used to be.
Friday, January 19, 2007
It isn’t often that I get to stay in my own house alone most of the time. Even though if my family is away, I am mostly being accompanied by my maid, but this time, it is different and I get the entire house to myself. It isn’t everyday I get this chance.
At first my family were telling me my errands to do and making sure that I listen to every single detailed errand they listed out for me, and sometimes it makes me wonder whether they still treat my like a kid. I mean, I MAY act like one, but I do know how to think sometimes. Anyway, furthering on with my story…
Went to college and did some recordings for the sounds for my group’s animation but all in all, it turned out to be quite a sad recording day. I was feeling off colour with my flu, cough and slight sore throat. Basically I was just holding on to that particular strand of energy stored in me to keep continuing on with the recording. I went home by 12am which was pretty much earlier than I usual do, rushed all the way home and enjoy the moments of being alone at home.
Normally, I would hang out with Joey and sleep at her place but this time, I just felt that I want to be alone. Oddly, it felt pretty fun! I watched some stupid movies with made my IQ level went down to -10.
The movies that Jessie watched
- My Super Ex Girlfriend
- Men Suddenly in Black 2.
Anyway, after watching those movies, at least I can say that Himalaya Singh is the last show that I was to watch again. I slept at 6am and woke up by 3pm because I felt as though my body is suffering from some odd disease that wouldn’t allow me to get up properly. Well, by 3pm even though I felt as though my body weigh a ton I pulled myself together and just came to the computer and do my things.
A downside of staying alone is that your mind tends to wander and it isn’t a good thing for me because I do tend to think a lot of things which I know that I am not supposed to be thinking. But I can’t help myself if I accidentally think those things right? I admit, being alone at home is really fun but it somehow ended my enjoyment of being alone that night because I thought too much. Thinking too much until I started to cry. I couldn’t call anyone because it was really late, I think it was around 530am. I haven’t cried for such a long time. I didn’t know that once I let it out, everything came. When it comes to emotions, guessed that I am pretty fragile. Bundling up your emotions is a bad thing to do but yet I still do it. I really can’t avoid being the stubborn person as I am.
Hope that I wouldn’t break down and cry again like that time during Joey’s birthday I was heading to toilet in my college and suddenly a burst of memories came flowing into me and I couldn’t take it and just broke down crying. I send a text message to my pet brother, Nicklaus and his reply was,
“Where are you now?”
“At college,” I said
“You stay there, I am coming now. I just finished watching Night at the Museum,” he said
“You don’t have to come. I will be fine, don’t need to visit me,” I said.
“I am at Pyramid, just finished watching the movie so I can visit you. I don’t care. I will be downstairs, you don’t come down I will find you then you know,” he replied
“Okay, see you later,” I said.
When he came, he quickly gave me a hug and I felt really thankful that he came after all. Unfortunately, when he gave me the hug, I felt like crying all over again. I think it is because I was seeking a hug from a person who really cared. I bundled up all my strength to make sure I won’t break down and cry. Luckily, Nicklaus made some jokes to cheer me up and I also met two of his friends, Lisa and Shaun and actually it made me feel better because Lisa and Shaun were teasing Nicklaus and I also managed to find out something new about him too. At least I managed to get a few laughs to enlighten up my mood.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Jessie’s Reason Why she is feeling refreshed
1.Friends supporting me when I depressed
2.Friends trying to cheer me up
3.Friends being there for me
4.An unexpected person to give me a hug (Thanks)
5.Had a good night sleep
My mind was alive, not flooded with thoughts. That is what I am so grateful for. I bathe, got ready to go to college and I just kept smiling. My sister thought I was insane due to the fact that I kept smiling for no particular reason but I didn’t bother about it. On the lighter note, she found the little square thing which Hooi Ling my lecturer gave me to fix it but until now I can’t, and she started to play with it. That particular thing has only been solved by Terrence, my classmate. If I’m not mistaken, Beatrice, my team leader has solved it also, but only once.
At first I was supposed to arrive at college early due to the fact that I wanted to crash at my best buddy place but in the end I went to visit my old school mate. It was more like a last minute visit but thankfully that she always welcomes anyone who drops by her house. We just sat down and talked about the old times and laughed at the silly ethics that we done during our high school years. She was pretty busy that time when I dropped by as she was busy babysitting her nephews and she was running up and down, preparing food for them, making sure they eat the food or basically stay out of trouble
“You are going to be a great house wife in the future,” I teased.
“Shut up.” she replied.
“Well, I think that you will do a great job in taking care of children in the future. When I get my own kids, you are going to become their godmother. Well, technically, I think when I do have kids, they are going to have a lot of godmothers,” I said.
“I don’t mind being the godmother for your children,” she said.
When I have said that, I began to think. “Will I have kids in the future?” After being told by people that I would end up big and won’t be able to lose all the weight that I have gained through pregnancy scares me a little. I admit that I am pretty picky when it comes to my weight because I was somewhat way flesher compared to the present person I am now.
I went up to her room and I saw a few pictures that were taken during my high school years and as I looked at it, I thought to myself,“Have I grown that much? Have I really changed that much? A few years ago I was a 16 year old. 4 years have gone and this is who I am now. Time does really pass that fast.”
I asked my friend whether I could take one picture to show to my college mates and she allowed me too and she just took one picture where I was sitting next to an really old friend of mine but I have lost contact with him after we left high school. Hope that he would remember us still.
Upon reaching college, I showed that particular picture itself to my college mates and they said that I was chubbier then and some also said that I looked like an “ah lian”. Technically, “ah lian” is explained to be bimbos and are stereotyped as anti-intellectual, superficial, materialistic and shallow. I took that particular explanation from an online dictionary called Wikipedia. It was pretty amusing that I was called that based on the picture due to the fact from what I can see; I look like a nerdy looking plain girl. But it is people’s opinions about that picture so I accept it for what it is.
Looking at that picture which I am holding in my hand now, I have decided that I would search for my old pictures from my baby years until the present day of who I have become. I think it would be a pretty fun project to work on but I doubt that I will manage to find my entire pictures from age 0 till 20.
From the emotional side of my story, I have actually slowly regaining my confidence back for love and somehow, I admit, that even though I still am dying from inside, at least with people who is around me, giving me their supports and loves, I am slowly bringing myself back alive. People could ask me, “How can you be so happy after a breakup?” I promptly replied, “Why do you have to mourning over a breakup and letting it out on your friends? Just keep smiling and the world will smile back at you.”
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
As he opened his door, I looked at the person I loved and showered with care, I looked at the person whom I thought that we would spend our lives staying together, doing things together. My heart sank when I saw that his expression of seeing me isn’t happy, but annoyed. I kept myself from crying. I held a poker face; I looked at him in the eye, “Still mad at me? Don’t want to talk to me anymore?” He didn’t even say a reply. He just ignored me and I was almost crushed on the spot.
But yet, I still held on and asked, “Can I come in?” He stared at me and said, “Up to you.” Then I kept asking, “Can I come in?” In the end, he just walked away from the door and sat in front of his computer again. I kept telling myself, “You can do this, hold on. Don’t shed a tear.” He was busy chatting with his god sister, I can tell but yet I kept silent.
I confronted him why was he so cold towards me. I asked him why he is reacting this way. He just ignored me. No matter what I say, he just kept ignoring me. I was so close to breaking down for I felt that my heart has crushed into pieces and was burn to ashes later on. I kept on pestering him and in the end he finally spoke to me and he said this “It is not about you; I am seeking an answer from myself.”
“What answer do you seek?” I replied.
“Whether I can continue with this relationship,” he replied.
At that moment, I just broke down in tears. I couldn’t take the pain anymore. My mind was flooding with memories. Each of them kept flashing back in my mind. I kept on thinking, “What did I do wrong? Why did we end up this way?” I pleaded to him to come and sit next to me on his bed. At first he was reluctant, but I was thankful that he came. I looked at him in the eye and tried my best to save this relationship. I confessed that I loved him so much and couldn’t afford to lose this relationship that I have made. I asked him, “Why can’t you think back the times where we first dated? Where everything was carefree and loving?” I tried to trigger memories that we have shared to him and in hopes that he will forgive me and will give a chance to save this relationship again.
But with all the things I have said, nothing seems to move him. There wasn’t any reply from him at all. It seems that I was talking to a marble statue so silent and cold. In my mind I kept wondering, “Is it going to be the end?” I stayed in his room, holding his hands, touching his face, looking into the eyes which I fell in love with, observing every single detail of him because in my heart I could feel, this is the end.
At last I left his place with a heavy heart, when I reached into my car, I couldn’t stop crying. I cried and cried till the way home. I couldn’t stop myself. My tears kept pouring and I was trying my best to stop it. I called my pet brother and I talked to him, instead of him comforting me, I was the one who was comforting me by cracking up lame jokes and making him laugh. Then when I have finally calmed down, I slowly walked back up to my room and just stoned there. I couldn’t think of anything at that time. When I tried to sleep, I couldn’t. I just felt so lost and empty during that time and I wished that I would wake up and all these things didn’t happen.
The next day I woke up around 6am in the morning, I couldn’t sleep. The moment I close my eyes, I could feel memories flashing back at me. Tears just kept pouring out and I didn’t want my sister to see me crying. Pretending that everything was fine, I just went on with my usual things, getting up and doing all the things which I normally do. I send him a message saying “I asked of you, don’t cut me out from your life. A moment you said that you love me, miss me. A single wrong turn, made us fall apart. You begged me once, I gave a chance. I am begging you now; will you give us a chance?” A replied came and all it says was “I’m sorry, Jesc.” I knew that it was the end from the moment I left his house, and all I could reply was “Why are you apologizing for? I guess that it was meant to be this way. Thanks for showering me with love and care. Guess we weren’t meant to be even though we said we are.” And that was the last message I have send to him and received back from him.
I knew that yesterday was the last goodbye I have said to him, a last hug I gave him, a last kiss on his cheek. I pulled myself together because I knew that today was the night of my graduation night and I had to be happy. No matter how sad I am, I will brush it aside. I will pull myself through and if fates come again, I will be with him again. If it doesn’t, then cupid probably has better plans for me.
In my mind, I keep thinking of all the memories I have shared with him and I have tried my best not to hold it inside. Each time I’m out with my friends I was happy that during that moments that I could free my mind from him but sadly, each couple I pass by, a pang of jealousy came to me and I thought “I used to be one of them.” I kept hoping that I could turn back time where everything was happy and carefree. I kept hoping that I could wake up from this nightmare I am facing. Alone and lonely is what I am feeling when I am at home. I wish that there is someone whom I can hold and cry too.
In my mind, I felt that he was the best. Finding out what he did, really did hurt me to the core. For once I had the blow; I managed to heal myself again, thanks to him. Twice made it worse but there was something about him that I actually brought myself to the lowest level to forgive him. I broke my rules about dating; I broke my principles which I set whenever I have a boyfriend. To the people I have told that I was going to get back at him, I actually did. With my poker face and all, I actually managed to get back at him, saying things that would make him think, “Why is she saying all these things to me.” But in the end, I kept thinking, “Why is that I am loving him so much? Why can’t I be the one who is cold and heartless?”
Nine months have gone and that is the longest relationship I had. Happiness and sadness were shared during the pass nine months. Many obstacles we face throughout the nine months we managed to pass through. The only thing that made me sad was the last obstacle that we have to face, was to learn to love and trust each other again, were given up half way and that leads us to the failure of this relationship.
Friday, January 5, 2007
My heart is pounding really fast against my chest, I keep taking short breaths, and I feel sleepy even though I have enough hours of sleep. What is wrong with me, I wonder. Maybe it is because that my mind is never at ease and is always thinking about things that weren’t meant to be thought about. Anyway, trying to recap what is going on my mind that makes me feel uneasy…
1.Thinking about Andrew
2.Wondering what Andrew is doing
3.Wondering what happen to our relationship
4.What is going on with him lately?
5.Does he still love me?
6.Are we going to break up when he comes back?
Gee, no wonder I’m suffering from stress, pressure, lack of urge to eat. I should seek psychiatric help to get myself back on track. I mean, how could one person give me such impact? This seem like an unsolved mystery to me. I mean, if he could have said such horrible things about me to his god sister, why am I still trying to save our relationship? Plus, when he went back to his hometown which was at Tawau, Sabah, he promised that we would be able to talk to each other online or sending text messages to each other. Unfortunately, those bland promises that he made was never even fulfilled.
On the lighter note, I have to give credit to Andrew for he was loving and caring for the first few months of the relationship where he would constantly send me text messages or reply my messages, buy me breakfast, lunch or dinner, will be worried whether I’m dead or alive when I’m driving home. This sort of treatment that he has gave me for the first few months of our relationship. I guess I gotten way too clingy on him and therefore making him back off and decided to hurt me in hopes that I would dump him? I’m not too sure about that. I guess I love him too much in order for me to release him from my grasp. But one have said, “If you love someone, let the person go” or was it like that? A proverb was said “Absences makes the heart grow fonder” I wonder whether Andrew believes in that, because I do.
It is really frustrating when you found out what your significant other was doing behind your back, saying words that hurts you deeply and somehow doesn’t feel guilty at all for saying those things then. To add more salt to the wound, he calmly said that it was all a misunderstanding and I just reacted way to drastically. He also admits that he loves his god sister and misses her and she feels the same way too. Do you know how much it actually hurt me? It felt as though he has driven a stake through my heart as though he was trying to kill a vampire.
Trying to remember his messages that he has send to me through text messages or online messages through “Friendster” but I can’t due to the fact that my mind is totally empty now. But I do remember his LAST message to me, and I kid you not. It was his last message to me for the two weeks that he was away. “Dear, I got good news. It seems that my sim card has problem. Going to get a replacement card soon, so in the mean time, do not call me.” That was his message that he has sent to me. Can you believe it? I was pondering for all the time, “Basically he knew that I was trying to call him. So he practically knew that I was calling his phone numerous times in order for me just to hear his voice.” Those particular thoughts of mine kept haunting me repeatedly. How can I be free from these thoughts of mine?
No wonder I’m suffering from all these “sickness” which I have stated above. I mean, how can one boyfriend be so...heartless? I thought boyfriends are supposed to be caring and loving and all the wonderful things what boyfriend should be. Come to think about it, Andrew isn’t any typical boyfriend that I have dated. A typical boyfriend should be…maybe I should just come up with a list.
Jessie’s List of What a Boyfriend should be.
6.Calls his girlfriend
That is as far as I can go. But basically that is the requirements of a boyfriend? I am not too sure of myself but I am certain that he has to be loyal, loving and caring. Now I have to end my story here because I have to help up with my batch in setting up the gallery.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Today, I’m back to college, sitting here in front of the computer and practically spacing out while waiting for my team leader to give me the instructions so I could begin my work. Upon waiting, I was browsing through the normal sites which I normally go and doing what every other normal human would do of course, surf the web.
Sides doing surfing the net, I was chatting with my fellow mates from all over the world...Okay, that sounds exaggerating but it is almost to a certain point, true. Talking to one of my friends from UK and he accidentally brought up the question which I’m hoping not to hear, but can’t avoid it one way or another. “How are you and your bf going on?”
Part of me wanting to tell him that it is fine but another part of me is dying to tell all my thoughts about what has happened between me and him recently. Unfortunately, the dying to tell my thoughts part overwhelmed me and I told almost…well, I think it is almost everything to him. I told my friend, Jack who was from the UK about the findings of my own boyfriend’s history chats with his god sister saying that he loves her and misses her, saying that I’m such a lousy girlfriend to him and also wishing that she was here right now so he could kiss her. All these things which haunts me I couldn’t erase them from my mind no matter how much I wish it would. I told Jack about my confrontation with him due to the fact that I couldn’t take it anymore and also what happen during the confrontation where my own boyfriend wasn’t guilty about the entire matter but was just blasé on this matter.
Jack was helpful in giving me the advices and managed to cheer things up for me by saying that he would do a James Bond move and annihilate her since he is at UK and she is studying in the UK. Upon on him telling me this triggered me to imagine him though I haven’t seen him in real life, but somewhat imagining him dressed up in a expensive suit which would cost almost to a few thousands and being all suave and mysterious. But somehow, I felt that Jack couldn’t pass the suave stage in my imagination. But nevertheless, it is amusing enough to me.
Since it is the New Year’s, I guess I have to come up with my new year’s resolution and hope that I would fulfill them this time.
Jessie’s New Year’s Resolution
1. Lose weight
2. Focus on my damn final school project
3. Save money
4. Make up mind of what to do after college
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
This is another new blog to start a story of my life. This isn’t your typical kind of blog where I would type it as though it is from my thoughts; it is more a story based blog where words are stringed together to form a story of my life. Long-winded and full of things that happen in my life, that is how I wanted it to be. If you are willingly to spend hours or minutes just to read my stories I have written, though it is not a superb story that what every author conjured up filling it with fantastic words and great storylines, I give you my uttermost thanks from the bottom of my heart.
I’m just a normal teenager turning to the age of 20 at the year of July 2007. I have finally completed my 3 years course of Digital Animation at the One Academy therefore now I’m currently looking for a job or furthering my studies overseas. Hobbies and interests there are too many to list down but one thing I mainly love to do is gaming, reading and just hanging out with my best buddies. I’m the second oldest child in the family, having one elder sister and two younger brothers. I can’t think anymore of what to write about myself, but that somewhat summarized everything about me. Almost.
This particular blog would be my domain where I will write a story of my life, not everyday but the days when I’m bored or just find anything interesting that happened in my life I would write it here.
This ends my introduction chapter. Not so much of an introduction, does it?