Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Chapter: A refreshed person

I woke up this morning and oddly enough, I actually felt so refreshed. I didn’t know the reason why. But a few reasons came to my mind…

Jessie’s Reason Why she is feeling refreshed

1.Friends supporting me when I depressed
2.Friends trying to cheer me up
3.Friends being there for me
4.An unexpected person to give me a hug (Thanks)
5.Had a good night sleep

My mind was alive, not flooded with thoughts. That is what I am so grateful for. I bathe, got ready to go to college and I just kept smiling. My sister thought I was insane due to the fact that I kept smiling for no particular reason but I didn’t bother about it. On the lighter note, she found the little square thing which Hooi Ling my lecturer gave me to fix it but until now I can’t, and she started to play with it. That particular thing has only been solved by Terrence, my classmate. If I’m not mistaken, Beatrice, my team leader has solved it also, but only once.

At first I was supposed to arrive at college early due to the fact that I wanted to crash at my best buddy place but in the end I went to visit my old school mate. It was more like a last minute visit but thankfully that she always welcomes anyone who drops by her house. We just sat down and talked about the old times and laughed at the silly ethics that we done during our high school years. She was pretty busy that time when I dropped by as she was busy babysitting her nephews and she was running up and down, preparing food for them, making sure they eat the food or basically stay out of trouble

“You are going to be a great house wife in the future,” I teased.

“Shut up.” she replied.

“Well, I think that you will do a great job in taking care of children in the future. When I get my own kids, you are going to become their godmother. Well, technically, I think when I do have kids, they are going to have a lot of godmothers,” I said.

“I don’t mind being the godmother for your children,” she said.

When I have said that, I began to think. “Will I have kids in the future?” After being told by people that I would end up big and won’t be able to lose all the weight that I have gained through pregnancy scares me a little. I admit that I am pretty picky when it comes to my weight because I was somewhat way flesher compared to the present person I am now.

I went up to her room and I saw a few pictures that were taken during my high school years and as I looked at it, I thought to myself,“Have I grown that much? Have I really changed that much? A few years ago I was a 16 year old. 4 years have gone and this is who I am now. Time does really pass that fast.”

I asked my friend whether I could take one picture to show to my college mates and she allowed me too and she just took one picture where I was sitting next to an really old friend of mine but I have lost contact with him after we left high school. Hope that he would remember us still.

Upon reaching college, I showed that particular picture itself to my college mates and they said that I was chubbier then and some also said that I looked like an “ah lian”. Technically, “ah lian” is explained to be bimbos and are stereotyped as anti-intellectual, superficial, materialistic and shallow. I took that particular explanation from an online dictionary called Wikipedia. It was pretty amusing that I was called that based on the picture due to the fact from what I can see; I look like a nerdy looking plain girl. But it is people’s opinions about that picture so I accept it for what it is.

Looking at that picture which I am holding in my hand now, I have decided that I would search for my old pictures from my baby years until the present day of who I have become. I think it would be a pretty fun project to work on but I doubt that I will manage to find my entire pictures from age 0 till 20.

From the emotional side of my story, I have actually slowly regaining my confidence back for love and somehow, I admit, that even though I still am dying from inside, at least with people who is around me, giving me their supports and loves, I am slowly bringing myself back alive. People could ask me, “How can you be so happy after a breakup?” I promptly replied, “Why do you have to mourning over a breakup and letting it out on your friends? Just keep smiling and the world will smile back at you.”

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