Chapter : An "Early" Entry

I just got back from my university around 2 something in the morning because I was there doing my assignments which is due on Monday morning. I know that should be resting now but I can’t understand why am I so wide awake, thus an entry for my blog!

I think like this week, next week and the week after that would be the busiest week for me ever! Why? well, it is because I have an assignment due on Monday, been staying back in university for a week just to complete my assignments and worried whether I would be able to pass the class because I have no idea what is required for the class. Then after handing up this particular assignment, I am able to take a breather for a day then start working on my essay which is two thousand words (I know some of you might think it is petty amount but I suck at writing essays) then after handing that up on Wednesday, I then take another day breather then only start working on my last assignment which is 3D environment modeling. I have completed one scene, just two more to go…unless I use the same particular file which I did today as part of my work then I would have completed one and a half scene. Hmm, maybe I should.

Okay, senseless talking to self. Then after ALL of the assignments are done, I have to pack my room and my other stuffs because I would be shifting to a brand new spanking home! Will take pictures when I move in but till then, just enjoy these long, long, long “story”.

On the other note, I really want to join the Thriller dance which is happening this Sunday at 10.30am!! But I’m worried that I wouldn’t be able to complete my assignment then on the other hand, I feel that I have completed all my required stuffs just that I’m currently facing some glitches which I don’t know how to fix until I receive an email from my lecturer. So I’m contemplating whether I should go to the practice on Saturday then join in for the Thriller dance though I haven’t even gotten myself a costume yet. Maybe I should start ripping some clothes and wear my worn out shoes or something. I also just found out that the Thriller dance that I want to participate in would be achieving a worldwide record because apparently 350 countries would be dancing Thriller at the exact SAME time. How awesome is that?!!  

Maybe I would be able to watch it on YouTube in university while I brood over my assignments and say to myself, “I could be one of those people dancing their heart out to Thriller!!” Just hope that my lecturer would be able to provide me the solution by 12pm later today and I would be able to JOIN in the Thriller dance!! Then you can spot the hideous looking wooden dancer among the crowd. It wouldn’t be that hard to spot me dancing. Seriously, I dance really badly.

Chapter : Updates!

Ah, it has been ages since I last wrote in my blog. People keep asking me, “When are you going to update your blog? It has been ages!!!”

Yeah, I know that I haven’t been doing a great job lately updating my blog. I guess I am too lazy to even bother writing up interesting things that is happening in my life.

Well, to summarize things up what happen within the past….err…when did I last blog in here…wow, in July. Now that is long. I apologize to those who keep checking my page and see a very old post still remaining. I’m so sorry! Anyway, summary!

1. My boyfriend (now ex) came to visit me in Brisbane, and then broke up with me. Now he is together with another girl. We officially broke up on the 7^th of August. You do the math.

2. Living life to the fullest.

3. Was depressed lost all my weight, now putting them back because I am not depressed anymore!

4. Realizes that some things are way better in life.

5. Friends are always the best thing that you could ever have. Never ever forget them!

6. Found out things that I never knew before. Man, talk about knowing true colours!

7. Graduated with a degree and now pursuing my masters. Though a bit regretful for doing so.

8. Parents gave me an awesome graduation present EVER! I got two ball jointed dolls that costs a bomb!

9. Flying back to Malaysia around November.

10. Meeting old friends which I haven’t spoken to in years!

I think that somewhat summarizes things up. I know that I should be posting about what happened to my ex and stuffs like that but hey, not like he is going to find out anyway! Yes, I know this particular entry is a very bitchy one and I am sorry but I’m just typing what is going on in my head right. For all I know, he might be saying something else about me. One thing I have to give credit to him is that, he is the only guy that I have managed to sustain a long term relationship. Literally. A year and half is really long.

It’s my blog, who say that I can’t update my entries the way I want it to be? If you think this is bitchy, well thank you. Maybe I’m just sorting my emotions right now. I cried way too much. Held onto the past FAR too long. Looking forward, smiling and enjoying. At times, it makes you wonder, who says single life is depressing?

Chapter: Horrible Host

I haven’t been posting because I was really busy with my final year animation project. I have completed it already so I’m enjoying my holidays now! Jin came over to Brisbane for the holidays but at first he tricked me saying that he would be arriving on the 1st of July but instead he came on the 29th of June. He and my sister plotted it against me!

Oh well, he arrived early but I really don’t know where to bring him because I’m the kind of person who doesn’t really go out much due to

1. Being cheapskate so I don’t want to spend my money
2. I really like staying at home at times
3. I’m easily amused. Just give me a book or something to watch and I can live throughout the day.

But I guess for Jin it is different because he wants to experience what Brisbane is like and stuff like that and he found out that his cousin is studying here too. So most of the time he spent is with his cousin whereas I’m not the person who wants to intrude and trouble people that much. I guess that is my personality. I don’t know.

People have asked me what is Jin going to do here for the entire month and part of my mind is that I really don’t know and the main point is to see me or probably to just spend some time with me. But unfortunately I promised my friends that I would help them with their project so at times I have to ditch Jin by himself with his cousin but I guess it have turned for the best since he is hanging out with him more than me. I think that is a good way, right?

But the thing is, I feel even lonelier even though he is around. I guess it’s due to the fact that I didn’t talk to him for the entire month because I was mainly focusing on my final year animation project and when he arrived, we only spent a few times together and then I let him be on his own way. The thing that saddens me that all those promises or plans we made together have gone away. Maybe it is my fault that things turn out this way but it feels really frustrating when your boyfriend comes back and says “I’m going out with who and who, want to come?” and in the back of my mind I’m thinking “What happen to us time? Or what happen to the stroll in the park we were planning?”

In the end, I tend to decline his offers and let him wander off on his own while I amuse myself with shows and stuffs that I have stored in my laptop. I mean, it is good in a way that he IS enjoying himself and seeing Brisbane but on the other hand, it seems that he has forgotten what he told me…

“I want to save money because I scared that I don’t have enough money to spend later on.”

“Don’t want to go out so much, must save money.”

“So bloody expensive to buy a train ticket here.”

I guess, I can’t say anything because he only brought a certain amount of cash with him thus limiting his spending expenditures but heck; he is going out WAY more often than I do. Not only that, I do not have the car because my sister needs it to go to work so that also it out of the picture for me to bring him around Brisbane. Oh well, he is going to stay over at his cousin’s place when my parents arrive that means I will be seeing him even lesser and that way he could fully say that he enjoyed his stay at Brisbane. I feel such a horrible host.

Chapter : Questions?

Trying to focus but I can’t seem to do it, my mind is fogged up. I am trying my best to push away these feelings, but sadly, I can’t. I tried to hold back my tears but in the end they just flow down like a stream. Once in a while I managed to regain composure only to be betrayed by my feelings. My mind is in a mess, my heart feels burdened. I can’t think straight, I can’t do anything right. All I see is darkness, all I feel is loneliness. Pressure is arising, time isn’t lengthening…yet I still have to strive on further. How long will I last before I suffer from a mental breakdown? How long will I last before I suffer from a nervous breakdown? How long will I last before I give up from everything? How long?

Should I continue forward? Should I just give up? Should I just ignore all these facts and live on my own life? What should I do? I can’t think anymore. Tears should not be shed over this matter. Tears should be shed over joyous occasions. Not this petty sort of stuffs. Feeling isolated, feeling deprived...Feeling as though that I’m no one and I am casted aside…

What’s next? I wouldn’t know…time is still moving forward…I must look forward and cast my problems; feelings aside…I will work it out. I will work it through…somehow, probably alone.

Chapter : Missing

Sorry for not posting on my blog for a while. Well, currently I’m on a hiatus because I have been busy with my work plus I’m also quite lazy to post up new things. Nothing really big and drastic happened in my life so far.

Well, this post is just another post where I just missed the good old times. Don’t you remember the times you spent with your friends and loved ones? Well, I do and I miss it a lot. Sadly, due to our own personal reasons like work or studies, we barely contact each other anymore.

At times, it feels as though we are drifting so far apart that I fear that we might just be strangers once again. I tried my best to keep in touch with everyone but not necessary hoped that all of them would reply in just an instance but just to drop by and say hello would be good enough, if you know what I mean. It saddens me that the people that I’m so close with are drifting so far apart that somehow we couldn’t find the time to actually talk to each other, to catch up on things. A part of me fears that maybe they could be avoiding me? Maybe because I’m too clingy on them? I don’t know. But I just hope that my friendship with everyone is still the same. Plus it is exceptionally hard when all of us are in different parts of the world hence the different time zones.

Maybe I’m just thinking way too much, or maybe it is all those times I spend alone in the room. Or it could be that I’m worrying so many things at one go that it is making me crazy. Who knows? But for all that’s worth, I just pray that I can keep in touch with everyone again and in hopes that we could find time to actually come on and say a simple hello or asked how are you?

Chapter : Amnesia

I should just like, suffer from amnesia.

That way I could forget. Everything.

Sorry, new entry after so long, it's a sad one.

Forgive me, happier stuffs will come in......soon...

When, I'm back alive!

Chapter : Jin meets Nicolekiss the blogger.

I was supposed to blog about this but I forgot and well, I was lazy. So this is it.

I have ordered something from Nicolekiss’s (the uber famous blogger besides many others like Kenny Sia, Pink Pau, Cheesie and so on) online boutique and well, actually I didn’t order it, more like I pestered Jin to order it for me and I promised that I will pay him back when I return. So after giving Jin the ID numbers for the items I wanted, he filled up the form and sends it to her.

Then the next day, if I do recall properly, he told me that he was meeting up with Nicole to get the stuffs I ordered and I was like thinking “Woah! That’s pretty fast.” But on the other hand, I asked him,

“Why are you meeting up with her by the way?”

“Oh, because I send her an email saying that whether I could meet up with her because I’m afraid that I won’t be home to receive the stuffs,” he replied.

“Oh okay, so when are you meeting her?” I asked.

“In the afternoon, she called and she sounds really nice on the phone and all. Pretty cool,” he said.

“Make sure you take pictures of her!!!! Wait, I mean with her! So I can blog about this!!!” I said.

Jin was staring at me really weirdly because we were chatting through Skype via video call. This long distance thing works when you have video calls okay. If not you will get into a hissy fit and become old and wrinkly. Anyway, back to the story. I looked back at Jin and said,

“WHAT?”

“I have nothing to say,” he said.

“Well, just so you know, Nicole is from Malacca too! And she is also a Heng Hua and she is same age as my sister!” I said.

“Really? Cool,” he replied.

So anyway, fast forwarding to the day he met her. The conversation went like this, if I recall it properly…

“How did it go?” I asked.

“Nicole is really cool and also very nice plus she is very down-to-earth person,” he said.

“Really? I also want to go and see her! You’re so lucky. I’m envious,” I said.

“She is also very tall too. When I asked her to take a picture with me because I said that my girlfriend is a fan of her blog and reads it and wants a picture of you, she stood up she was like up to below my ear!” he said (while doing this hand gesture thing to show me where she measured by height. Remember, we are chatting via video call!)

“Really? I also want to be tall too! So envious,” I said.

Then I don’t remember the rest of the conversation anymore. Okay, I think that is pretty much how the conversation went…I can’t help it if my memory is only the capacity of 1MB. I have to delete all my other memories so I can have space for new ones. So I insert here the picture of my boyfriend with Nicolekiss.


Damn, I want to have a picture with her too! Hope that I am not violating any rights by posting up this picture.