Chapter : Graduation Night and the Inner Thoughts

Yesterday was my graduation night. Well, technically it is the night where I officially graduate. You know, with the robes and all. I picked up Beatrice from her house and then we set off to Sheraton Hotel located at Subang. At first I thought that I was really late because I was supposed to be there by 2pm but eventually it seems that I wasn’t that late after all. I keep forgetting that Malaysian time is pretty elastic, which means that if it stated 2pm it would start WAY later.

After I took the robes and what not, I met up with Kelsie and Sylvia who was already there earlier on and then I dragged both of them (with Beatrice of course) to the toilet to do their makeup. It was quite hard to do makeup under the yellow light because you can’t see much of anything. But I did manage to add some colours to their eyelids to make them much fresher (?). The time that we spent in the toilet was pretty long because I was doing Kelsie’s and Sylvia’s makeup. I am not a professional makeup artist so I felt that I did their makeup really badly.

After putting on the makeup, then it was time for us to wear the robes. I was wearing a M sized and I honestly tell you, I looked like a mini Jedi from Star Wars. Then Beatrice told me that digital animation batch was purple in colour which surprised me because my gown was purple and so was my makeup. Talk about coincidence. After we put on our robes, we head out from the toilet and met up with our fellow digital animation friends. Some of them just arrived and some of them were putting on their robes too and we occasionally helped them with their robes. The funniest thing was that the little board that we wear doesn’t fit well on our heads but it fits really well on the guys’ heads. So it is proven that they have big heads.

Then with a lot of commotion because the time for our graduation march is bound to be started, I saw some people just arrived on the spot and hurried to grab their robes and hastily put them on because we were told to be waiting at the reception area by 3.30pm. When all of have fixed our hats and robes, we headed down to the reception area. With laughter and jokes surrounding the digital animation batch, we headed there. We felt as though we were marching there because we were heading to the reception area in a group. When we reached there, we saw some parents arriving and already starting to take some pictures.

Few hours later, more people arrived and the rest of the other majors came. Cameras were flashing, laughter was erupting, and people were cheering and playing around. The feeling there made me felt that I was in college again except from the existence of the camera people taking random pictures of us. I managed to get some few pictures thanks to Yuki’s camera which I borrowed. I may upload the pictures later, I suppose. The commotion at the reception area was getting noisier since most of the students have arrived with their family or friends.

By 4pm, we were ushered to line up according to majors. It was pretty amusing to see the administrators holding the board stating the majors such as “Digital Animation, Illustration, Advertising, Interior Design and Multimedia”. It felt as though we were primary school kids that need guidance to our classes. Upon lining up, we actually waited there for an hour and half. By the time we actually went into the room, our legs were tired and we were sweaty because the evening sun wasn’t all that nice to us and was shining its heat upon us causing us to sweat under those heavy robes.

Then after the arrival of our lecturers and principal, then the speech from the principal, our batch president and batch 45’s president, it was time for the diploma taking thing. I don’t know how to explain that part though. But it was pretty simple because we just go up the stage and receives our diploma then we head down again. After we received out diplomas, then it was the dean awards and some competition awards. Then finally we can sit down and eat with our family or friends.

Most of the time I wasn’t at the table because I wanted to take some memorable pictures before I finally leave them for good. Thankfully we managed to get some pictures with our digital animation lecturers and classmates. We were the only group that actually went out from the hall just to take some random pictures. Then later on the rest of some other majors decided to come out and take some pictures too. There were some performances from our college juniors and as I remembered one lecturer who sang REALLY well. Nice voice, maybe he should consider going into singing instead of teaching multimedia.

Once in a while I went back into the hall to grab something to eat and took some pictures with my parents and siblings. Then after everything, the graduation night ended around 9 something pm which was really early. Maybe it isn’t a normal prom-ish thing where everyone gets to dance and such. Some of us decided to hang out after that which we did, at Sunway Pyramid Starbucks. The people who were present there were me, Beatrice, Sylvia, Chih Lun, Seen Hor, Woah Chin (I think that’s the spelling for her name), Wei Jae, Moon Liang, Terrence and two of our lecturers Vincent and Jason. Then the junior batch digital animators who graduated with us too joined us.

We talked, laughed and joked around for quite sometime and then we headed home. I dropped Sylvia and Beatrice back home and then I went to Centerpoint Mcd’s to hang out some more. Unfortunately Yuki went home early so it was left with Foong, Ben and I forgot his name again. It didn’t last that long either because I reached home around 1am. Then I went and played a few rounds of my online game and then I went to bed. The next day, which is today I woke up early just for family breakfast.

To make matters worse, I feel that my left eye power has gotten higher because I can’t see clearly with my glasses. Everything is in a blur and I really afraid that if the power goes any higher, I would be blind. That is what I am afraid of. Anyway, on with some personal issues…

I feel that I won’t be able to complete my portfolio anytime soon because I feel that I am not talented at all. True, I get the chance to further my studies and some would be envious due to the fact that some can’t even further their studies at all. It would be easier for me to complete my portfolio if I have the confidence with my works. Knowing that my skills in art is below average feels as though that I am not qualified to even pass and graduate from college or worse, not right to be in this course. Yeah, I have to get up my arse and complete my portfolio, but with what confidence? When I see my own friends drawing such beautiful works, I feel envious. Though they always tell me, that I can draw and all I need is practice but I feel so outcast from the artistic world. I never felt so untalented. Maybe I should just pursue another career I kept saying to myself.

I have tried my hardest to produce high quality works to add onto my portfolio but it isn’t to the universities standard. Throughout my time in college, my drawing skills were never strong. I am mostly based on 3d animating or just doing some minor editing. I never had a strong platform in my artistic sense and it is a wonder how I managed to pass all my subjects. It is pretty hard to for me to actually take up the pencil and draw when I know that the outcome would just be bad. I thank those who kept supporting me and giving their comments on my work but maybe I am just pulling myself down. Who knows that I won’t be an animator after this? I am not sure about my career path at times.

Pressured from parents to apply for universities, and yet I can’t tell them that the daughter of theirs isn’t fit to be an animator. I can’t tell them that their daughter can’t draw high quality works to compile into her portfolio. They have no idea how hard that I am trying. They keep thinking that I am online watching youtube videos or movies or just procrastinating around. I am always thinking about my portfolio, and when am I suppose to apply. I really want to complete my portfolio. I really want to further my studies. But the problem is how? With my talent, I know that I would never get in. I know that my friends will assure me that I will get in or if I never tried, how would I know that I won’t.

I really don’t know at times whether I am cut out to be an animator now. Maybe I should just work for my mom and take over her business later or something…Who knows.