Today seems to be a pretty depressing day…it started of with waking up early to head over to the old house to pack the left over things because the carpenters are coming on Wednesday to fix the cupboards and what not, so with the maid and myself, packing the things that I felt that my family would still want to keep and leaving out the rubbish such as old newspapers, magazines, old clothes and unusable items, I felt that it was pretty logical idea to do so. After a strenuous time climbing up and down the stairs, carrying boxes that weigh more then we do, carrying bags of plastics which are filled with things, we headed back home.
Resting in my own comfort zone, surfing the net and checking my mails, forums, journals and other things, I decided to do some tests which I found through a friend’s page. I did some carefree tests which don’t seem to be all that interesting to me but I did stumble upon this test where the title said “Are you depressed?” Thinking that I wouldn’t be a depressed person because I have my daily dosage of laughter and happy things surrounding me I casually did the test without much further ado. When the results came out, I was pretty surprised that I am 64% depressed. Even though it was stated there I am just slightly way more depressed then usual, or something like that, and I should seek professional help.
That actually got me thinking. Maybe I am depressed, hence the mood swings and eating disorders. I guess it is because I am too pressurized by my own parents and own things that I can’t even handle. My parents who seems to be throwing tasks and errands for me to do and even though I managed to complete it, they would still manage to find faults in me and I am always left helpless not to argue. Despite that, I still have my portfolio to worry and my own depressing self thinking that I am not worthy to be an artist or an animator. I remember my dad threatening me saying that if I continue acting this way (which I am wondering what kind of way am I acting now) he would take away my car, and will not give me any pocket money and to further add on, he would take away the computer and will leave me in my own room to rot. It actually seems pretty amusing to a certain extend because if he takes away my car, I would just walk to somewhere or beg a friend to pick me up (in order to run away?) and I don’t have any pocket money to begin with. If he takes away the computer, I will just call my friends or amuse myself with books that I have in my room. Well, I didn’t say that to my dad, what is the point of provoking him and cause more hell on my side?
On Sunday, I managed to hang out with Yuki and Joey at our usual hang out place which is at Centerpoint Mcd’s which seriously gotten me thinking that I been there way often then the toilet in my room. We have gotten into the conversation of horoscopes and birthdays. It is a very interesting topic to discuss and I find astrology an interesting subject to read about. Joey and Yuki pointed out that I am pretty much like my own horoscope which is Cancerian. They said that I am family oriented and also pretty much an emotional person. I agree with the emotional part but I wasn’t all too sure about the family oriented comment but when they pointed out the signs that I was showing or just normally act, I find it quite precise after all. For instance, they said that I will follow whatever my parents say regardless how will I suffer in the end. For an example (as quoted from Joey),
“Your dad tells you and your brothers that you shouldn’t on the air con because it is expensive, but your brothers doesn’t seem to care and still on it whereas you just quietly follow even though your room is burning hot.”
As quoted from Yuki, “Yeah, and some more like just now when your brother said that you have to send your youngest brother to Akido you just throw your temper but in the end still do it because you know that your parents asked you to do.”
I tried to defend myself by saying. “If I don’t do it, my dad will hit me…of course I do it right?”
“Well, you can rebel if you want. If they want to hit, let them hit. Like me, I don’t give a shit about what my parents say last time and true even though I am afraid of pain, I still don’t give a damn and let them hit me.” Joey replied.
When both of them pointed this out, I was pretty much surprised that I am way much more family oriented than I think! I guess I can’t run away from my own destiny after all. I found out that I am pretty much a Cancerian way deeper than I thought I should, I found out that I am depressed when I have the mindset that I am not depressed at all and also I found out that my life is having a big major turnover meaning that it is going down in the pits. I wonder what will happen next. I am afraid to find out…
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Chapter : Graduation Night and the Inner Thoughts
Yesterday was my graduation night. Well, technically it is the night where I officially graduate. You know, with the robes and all. I picked up Beatrice from her house and then we set off to Sheraton Hotel located at Subang. At first I thought that I was really late because I was supposed to be there by 2pm but eventually it seems that I wasn’t that late after all. I keep forgetting that Malaysian time is pretty elastic, which means that if it stated 2pm it would start WAY later.
After I took the robes and what not, I met up with Kelsie and Sylvia who was already there earlier on and then I dragged both of them (with Beatrice of course) to the toilet to do their makeup. It was quite hard to do makeup under the yellow light because you can’t see much of anything. But I did manage to add some colours to their eyelids to make them much fresher (?). The time that we spent in the toilet was pretty long because I was doing Kelsie’s and Sylvia’s makeup. I am not a professional makeup artist so I felt that I did their makeup really badly.
After putting on the makeup, then it was time for us to wear the robes. I was wearing a M sized and I honestly tell you, I looked like a mini Jedi from Star Wars. Then Beatrice told me that digital animation batch was purple in colour which surprised me because my gown was purple and so was my makeup. Talk about coincidence. After we put on our robes, we head out from the toilet and met up with our fellow digital animation friends. Some of them just arrived and some of them were putting on their robes too and we occasionally helped them with their robes. The funniest thing was that the little board that we wear doesn’t fit well on our heads but it fits really well on the guys’ heads. So it is proven that they have big heads.
Then with a lot of commotion because the time for our graduation march is bound to be started, I saw some people just arrived on the spot and hurried to grab their robes and hastily put them on because we were told to be waiting at the reception area by 3.30pm. When all of have fixed our hats and robes, we headed down to the reception area. With laughter and jokes surrounding the digital animation batch, we headed there. We felt as though we were marching there because we were heading to the reception area in a group. When we reached there, we saw some parents arriving and already starting to take some pictures.
Few hours later, more people arrived and the rest of the other majors came. Cameras were flashing, laughter was erupting, and people were cheering and playing around. The feeling there made me felt that I was in college again except from the existence of the camera people taking random pictures of us. I managed to get some few pictures thanks to Yuki’s camera which I borrowed. I may upload the pictures later, I suppose. The commotion at the reception area was getting noisier since most of the students have arrived with their family or friends.
By 4pm, we were ushered to line up according to majors. It was pretty amusing to see the administrators holding the board stating the majors such as “Digital Animation, Illustration, Advertising, Interior Design and Multimedia”. It felt as though we were primary school kids that need guidance to our classes. Upon lining up, we actually waited there for an hour and half. By the time we actually went into the room, our legs were tired and we were sweaty because the evening sun wasn’t all that nice to us and was shining its heat upon us causing us to sweat under those heavy robes.
Then after the arrival of our lecturers and principal, then the speech from the principal, our batch president and batch 45’s president, it was time for the diploma taking thing. I don’t know how to explain that part though. But it was pretty simple because we just go up the stage and receives our diploma then we head down again. After we received out diplomas, then it was the dean awards and some competition awards. Then finally we can sit down and eat with our family or friends.
Most of the time I wasn’t at the table because I wanted to take some memorable pictures before I finally leave them for good. Thankfully we managed to get some pictures with our digital animation lecturers and classmates. We were the only group that actually went out from the hall just to take some random pictures. Then later on the rest of some other majors decided to come out and take some pictures too. There were some performances from our college juniors and as I remembered one lecturer who sang REALLY well. Nice voice, maybe he should consider going into singing instead of teaching multimedia.
Once in a while I went back into the hall to grab something to eat and took some pictures with my parents and siblings. Then after everything, the graduation night ended around 9 something pm which was really early. Maybe it isn’t a normal prom-ish thing where everyone gets to dance and such. Some of us decided to hang out after that which we did, at Sunway Pyramid Starbucks. The people who were present there were me, Beatrice, Sylvia, Chih Lun, Seen Hor, Woah Chin (I think that’s the spelling for her name), Wei Jae, Moon Liang, Terrence and two of our lecturers Vincent and Jason. Then the junior batch digital animators who graduated with us too joined us.
We talked, laughed and joked around for quite sometime and then we headed home. I dropped Sylvia and Beatrice back home and then I went to Centerpoint Mcd’s to hang out some more. Unfortunately Yuki went home early so it was left with Foong, Ben and I forgot his name again. It didn’t last that long either because I reached home around 1am. Then I went and played a few rounds of my online game and then I went to bed. The next day, which is today I woke up early just for family breakfast.
To make matters worse, I feel that my left eye power has gotten higher because I can’t see clearly with my glasses. Everything is in a blur and I really afraid that if the power goes any higher, I would be blind. That is what I am afraid of. Anyway, on with some personal issues…
I feel that I won’t be able to complete my portfolio anytime soon because I feel that I am not talented at all. True, I get the chance to further my studies and some would be envious due to the fact that some can’t even further their studies at all. It would be easier for me to complete my portfolio if I have the confidence with my works. Knowing that my skills in art is below average feels as though that I am not qualified to even pass and graduate from college or worse, not right to be in this course. Yeah, I have to get up my arse and complete my portfolio, but with what confidence? When I see my own friends drawing such beautiful works, I feel envious. Though they always tell me, that I can draw and all I need is practice but I feel so outcast from the artistic world. I never felt so untalented. Maybe I should just pursue another career I kept saying to myself.
I have tried my hardest to produce high quality works to add onto my portfolio but it isn’t to the universities standard. Throughout my time in college, my drawing skills were never strong. I am mostly based on 3d animating or just doing some minor editing. I never had a strong platform in my artistic sense and it is a wonder how I managed to pass all my subjects. It is pretty hard to for me to actually take up the pencil and draw when I know that the outcome would just be bad. I thank those who kept supporting me and giving their comments on my work but maybe I am just pulling myself down. Who knows that I won’t be an animator after this? I am not sure about my career path at times.
Pressured from parents to apply for universities, and yet I can’t tell them that the daughter of theirs isn’t fit to be an animator. I can’t tell them that their daughter can’t draw high quality works to compile into her portfolio. They have no idea how hard that I am trying. They keep thinking that I am online watching youtube videos or movies or just procrastinating around. I am always thinking about my portfolio, and when am I suppose to apply. I really want to complete my portfolio. I really want to further my studies. But the problem is how? With my talent, I know that I would never get in. I know that my friends will assure me that I will get in or if I never tried, how would I know that I won’t.
I really don’t know at times whether I am cut out to be an animator now. Maybe I should just work for my mom and take over her business later or something…Who knows.
After I took the robes and what not, I met up with Kelsie and Sylvia who was already there earlier on and then I dragged both of them (with Beatrice of course) to the toilet to do their makeup. It was quite hard to do makeup under the yellow light because you can’t see much of anything. But I did manage to add some colours to their eyelids to make them much fresher (?). The time that we spent in the toilet was pretty long because I was doing Kelsie’s and Sylvia’s makeup. I am not a professional makeup artist so I felt that I did their makeup really badly.
After putting on the makeup, then it was time for us to wear the robes. I was wearing a M sized and I honestly tell you, I looked like a mini Jedi from Star Wars. Then Beatrice told me that digital animation batch was purple in colour which surprised me because my gown was purple and so was my makeup. Talk about coincidence. After we put on our robes, we head out from the toilet and met up with our fellow digital animation friends. Some of them just arrived and some of them were putting on their robes too and we occasionally helped them with their robes. The funniest thing was that the little board that we wear doesn’t fit well on our heads but it fits really well on the guys’ heads. So it is proven that they have big heads.
Then with a lot of commotion because the time for our graduation march is bound to be started, I saw some people just arrived on the spot and hurried to grab their robes and hastily put them on because we were told to be waiting at the reception area by 3.30pm. When all of have fixed our hats and robes, we headed down to the reception area. With laughter and jokes surrounding the digital animation batch, we headed there. We felt as though we were marching there because we were heading to the reception area in a group. When we reached there, we saw some parents arriving and already starting to take some pictures.
Few hours later, more people arrived and the rest of the other majors came. Cameras were flashing, laughter was erupting, and people were cheering and playing around. The feeling there made me felt that I was in college again except from the existence of the camera people taking random pictures of us. I managed to get some few pictures thanks to Yuki’s camera which I borrowed. I may upload the pictures later, I suppose. The commotion at the reception area was getting noisier since most of the students have arrived with their family or friends.
By 4pm, we were ushered to line up according to majors. It was pretty amusing to see the administrators holding the board stating the majors such as “Digital Animation, Illustration, Advertising, Interior Design and Multimedia”. It felt as though we were primary school kids that need guidance to our classes. Upon lining up, we actually waited there for an hour and half. By the time we actually went into the room, our legs were tired and we were sweaty because the evening sun wasn’t all that nice to us and was shining its heat upon us causing us to sweat under those heavy robes.
Then after the arrival of our lecturers and principal, then the speech from the principal, our batch president and batch 45’s president, it was time for the diploma taking thing. I don’t know how to explain that part though. But it was pretty simple because we just go up the stage and receives our diploma then we head down again. After we received out diplomas, then it was the dean awards and some competition awards. Then finally we can sit down and eat with our family or friends.
Most of the time I wasn’t at the table because I wanted to take some memorable pictures before I finally leave them for good. Thankfully we managed to get some pictures with our digital animation lecturers and classmates. We were the only group that actually went out from the hall just to take some random pictures. Then later on the rest of some other majors decided to come out and take some pictures too. There were some performances from our college juniors and as I remembered one lecturer who sang REALLY well. Nice voice, maybe he should consider going into singing instead of teaching multimedia.
Once in a while I went back into the hall to grab something to eat and took some pictures with my parents and siblings. Then after everything, the graduation night ended around 9 something pm which was really early. Maybe it isn’t a normal prom-ish thing where everyone gets to dance and such. Some of us decided to hang out after that which we did, at Sunway Pyramid Starbucks. The people who were present there were me, Beatrice, Sylvia, Chih Lun, Seen Hor, Woah Chin (I think that’s the spelling for her name), Wei Jae, Moon Liang, Terrence and two of our lecturers Vincent and Jason. Then the junior batch digital animators who graduated with us too joined us.
We talked, laughed and joked around for quite sometime and then we headed home. I dropped Sylvia and Beatrice back home and then I went to Centerpoint Mcd’s to hang out some more. Unfortunately Yuki went home early so it was left with Foong, Ben and I forgot his name again. It didn’t last that long either because I reached home around 1am. Then I went and played a few rounds of my online game and then I went to bed. The next day, which is today I woke up early just for family breakfast.
To make matters worse, I feel that my left eye power has gotten higher because I can’t see clearly with my glasses. Everything is in a blur and I really afraid that if the power goes any higher, I would be blind. That is what I am afraid of. Anyway, on with some personal issues…
I feel that I won’t be able to complete my portfolio anytime soon because I feel that I am not talented at all. True, I get the chance to further my studies and some would be envious due to the fact that some can’t even further their studies at all. It would be easier for me to complete my portfolio if I have the confidence with my works. Knowing that my skills in art is below average feels as though that I am not qualified to even pass and graduate from college or worse, not right to be in this course. Yeah, I have to get up my arse and complete my portfolio, but with what confidence? When I see my own friends drawing such beautiful works, I feel envious. Though they always tell me, that I can draw and all I need is practice but I feel so outcast from the artistic world. I never felt so untalented. Maybe I should just pursue another career I kept saying to myself.
I have tried my hardest to produce high quality works to add onto my portfolio but it isn’t to the universities standard. Throughout my time in college, my drawing skills were never strong. I am mostly based on 3d animating or just doing some minor editing. I never had a strong platform in my artistic sense and it is a wonder how I managed to pass all my subjects. It is pretty hard to for me to actually take up the pencil and draw when I know that the outcome would just be bad. I thank those who kept supporting me and giving their comments on my work but maybe I am just pulling myself down. Who knows that I won’t be an animator after this? I am not sure about my career path at times.
Pressured from parents to apply for universities, and yet I can’t tell them that the daughter of theirs isn’t fit to be an animator. I can’t tell them that their daughter can’t draw high quality works to compile into her portfolio. They have no idea how hard that I am trying. They keep thinking that I am online watching youtube videos or movies or just procrastinating around. I am always thinking about my portfolio, and when am I suppose to apply. I really want to complete my portfolio. I really want to further my studies. But the problem is how? With my talent, I know that I would never get in. I know that my friends will assure me that I will get in or if I never tried, how would I know that I won’t.
I really don’t know at times whether I am cut out to be an animator now. Maybe I should just work for my mom and take over her business later or something…Who knows.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Chapter : New Hair Cut
These days I barely update my journal. Anyway, a little update to keep time passing by and letting people know what exactly I have been up too. Most of the times that I spent were with Joey and Yuki drinking or technically hanging out at McDonalds’ either talking about everything under the one sun or just stoning around playing card games. It is pretty fun when we hang out there doing nothing but talking and cracking up jokes from time to time. You see many kinds of people over there where some of them are studying or just like us, hanging out. I have been so hooked onto these sort of life to the extend that if I don’t have a day like that I would feel really bored.
Continuing my little story, I was forced to come home early today because my dad was making a lot of noise because of my routine. I can’t help it if I really like hanging out with them though it is pretty unhealthy because of the cigarette smokes or the constant refills of coke or just eating the food there. I hope that I can lose a few kg just in time for my graduation night which is just the following week. I can’t believe that time passes by so fast. To top it off, I have cut my long hair to a short sort of layered looking bob. I really like my old hairstyle because it was really easy to maintain because I don’t really spend much time on it. I also like my new hairstyle now but it is hard to maintain it because I have to make sure that the layered style I have on my hair doesn’t curl the wrong way and therefore making look as though I have “bed-hair”.
On the other note, my portfolio isn’t looking so much on the brighter side and now I have to really put my mind into it and set datelines for myself in order to complete my portfolio but not at the moment because now I am just typing an entry to update things that happened for the pass few weeks. I will work on the datelines thing when I am much more awake and not so blur. My mom bought me the perfect shoes to match my evening gown which I am sure that I am going to take pictures of during the graduation night itself. On the day itself when I bought my shoes, I also bought another dress which Joey who was with me and my mom that day thought that I looked really sweet in it and then started to plan the ways of dressing me up with that dress itself.
She said that I should wear that dress during my birthday which is not so far away to begin with. She said that on my birthday I should dress myself up like that and go clubbing with a bunch of our close friends and just let loose. That is the only thing which I am actually agreeing to it because I may not know whether I am able to celebrate my 21st birthday here in Malaysia next year. I hope that I am able to celebrate it though with them because it just makes life much more fun and memorable.
My mind isn’t really working anymore, I should better off head to bed since I slept very little the day before and I think when I wake up and read this entry I would wonder why in the world did I force myself to type one silly entry to update on things that happen in my life.
Continuing my little story, I was forced to come home early today because my dad was making a lot of noise because of my routine. I can’t help it if I really like hanging out with them though it is pretty unhealthy because of the cigarette smokes or the constant refills of coke or just eating the food there. I hope that I can lose a few kg just in time for my graduation night which is just the following week. I can’t believe that time passes by so fast. To top it off, I have cut my long hair to a short sort of layered looking bob. I really like my old hairstyle because it was really easy to maintain because I don’t really spend much time on it. I also like my new hairstyle now but it is hard to maintain it because I have to make sure that the layered style I have on my hair doesn’t curl the wrong way and therefore making look as though I have “bed-hair”.
On the other note, my portfolio isn’t looking so much on the brighter side and now I have to really put my mind into it and set datelines for myself in order to complete my portfolio but not at the moment because now I am just typing an entry to update things that happened for the pass few weeks. I will work on the datelines thing when I am much more awake and not so blur. My mom bought me the perfect shoes to match my evening gown which I am sure that I am going to take pictures of during the graduation night itself. On the day itself when I bought my shoes, I also bought another dress which Joey who was with me and my mom that day thought that I looked really sweet in it and then started to plan the ways of dressing me up with that dress itself.
She said that I should wear that dress during my birthday which is not so far away to begin with. She said that on my birthday I should dress myself up like that and go clubbing with a bunch of our close friends and just let loose. That is the only thing which I am actually agreeing to it because I may not know whether I am able to celebrate my 21st birthday here in Malaysia next year. I hope that I am able to celebrate it though with them because it just makes life much more fun and memorable.
My mind isn’t really working anymore, I should better off head to bed since I slept very little the day before and I think when I wake up and read this entry I would wonder why in the world did I force myself to type one silly entry to update on things that happen in my life.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Chapter : After 7 Years
I am supposed to be resting in bed but I just took the initiative to come online just to post up an entry. Anyway, I’m down with a cold, cough, a slight sore throat and a very bad headache. Most of the time I’m sleeping in my room, sweating myself out because like they always say, it is better to sweat all the sickness away and the next thing you know, you are as strong as a horse.
I haven’t been sick like this for a while now and I guess it must be the late nights I was enjoying myself. Anyway, I met up with Teng Chan and Chee Wan whom I have never contacted for the past 7 years and only just recently I met up with them for a drink. Teng Chan has never changed much from what I can remember and the only thing that he changed so far is his height. Whereas Chee Wan, from what I have remembered when I was in Form1, he was this small chubby little kid which I can’t really talk to because of communication problem. He spoke Chinese I spoke English, get the picture? Anyway, when I met Chee Wan, he was a total different person. From small and chubby, he became tall and skinny. Man, talk about growth spurts.
Throughout the night with them which I spent for a short time only because Teng Chan just got back from Genting and was pretty tired. At least he and I managed to talk some things and what not though Chee Wan was pretty quiet maybe due to the fact that he just broken up with his girlfriend. Teng Chan kept asking me whether I remember some other people from our class or should I say school last time but I only managed to remember a few names and therefore, I couldn’t really say much. I usually remember faces instead of names though.
After that, Chee Wan send Teng Chan home because he was really tired and I am surprised that they still maintain their friendship for all these years. I barely kept in touch with most of my neither Damansara Utama nor Taman Tun friends. Well, the only person I kept in touch after all these years is Nicole. The friends that I kept in touch with are from college.
I can’t really think much now as I type because my brain is dying on me because I guess I have slept too much until it hurts my head badly. On the other side of things, my dad is still questioning me about my portfolio which I have been delaying for these few months. Doesn’t my dad realize that the requirement for the universities for the portfolio is really high? Despite the fact that no matter how hard I try, I still have to live up to their standards. If not, I wouldn’t be able to get in regardless I have completed my portfolio or not. But nevertheless, I wouldn’t know if I never try right? But also, getting pestered from my mom three quarter of the time to come to work wouldn’t allow doing my portfolio, wouldn’t it?
Goodness, I better get to rest. One parent is asking me to finish my portfolio and apply for university. Another parent is asking me to help her in her office. HOW in the world am I supposed to balance those two? I’m better off dead.
I haven’t been sick like this for a while now and I guess it must be the late nights I was enjoying myself. Anyway, I met up with Teng Chan and Chee Wan whom I have never contacted for the past 7 years and only just recently I met up with them for a drink. Teng Chan has never changed much from what I can remember and the only thing that he changed so far is his height. Whereas Chee Wan, from what I have remembered when I was in Form1, he was this small chubby little kid which I can’t really talk to because of communication problem. He spoke Chinese I spoke English, get the picture? Anyway, when I met Chee Wan, he was a total different person. From small and chubby, he became tall and skinny. Man, talk about growth spurts.
Throughout the night with them which I spent for a short time only because Teng Chan just got back from Genting and was pretty tired. At least he and I managed to talk some things and what not though Chee Wan was pretty quiet maybe due to the fact that he just broken up with his girlfriend. Teng Chan kept asking me whether I remember some other people from our class or should I say school last time but I only managed to remember a few names and therefore, I couldn’t really say much. I usually remember faces instead of names though.
After that, Chee Wan send Teng Chan home because he was really tired and I am surprised that they still maintain their friendship for all these years. I barely kept in touch with most of my neither Damansara Utama nor Taman Tun friends. Well, the only person I kept in touch after all these years is Nicole. The friends that I kept in touch with are from college.
I can’t really think much now as I type because my brain is dying on me because I guess I have slept too much until it hurts my head badly. On the other side of things, my dad is still questioning me about my portfolio which I have been delaying for these few months. Doesn’t my dad realize that the requirement for the universities for the portfolio is really high? Despite the fact that no matter how hard I try, I still have to live up to their standards. If not, I wouldn’t be able to get in regardless I have completed my portfolio or not. But nevertheless, I wouldn’t know if I never try right? But also, getting pestered from my mom three quarter of the time to come to work wouldn’t allow doing my portfolio, wouldn’t it?
Goodness, I better get to rest. One parent is asking me to finish my portfolio and apply for university. Another parent is asking me to help her in her office. HOW in the world am I supposed to balance those two? I’m better off dead.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Chapter : Friends, You Can't Live Without Them.
As I sit here, supposedly to be doing the work that my mom assigned me to do…instead I went online to surf. Well, can’t blame me when I don’t really have much of a passion to look through her list of numbers to find which company she called so she can charge them back into her own company thing. Anyway, that isn’t the topic I want to talk about today.
I was looking through my journal entries and I noticed. It has been at least if I’m not mistaken 3 years since I was in secondary school. Then later I went to college and I realized those 3 years were the best moments in life. I was reading this particular entry where the Rashingis and I stayed over at Kelsie’s place. Reminiscing back, it was really such an enjoyable night and I have realized we haven’t been doing that very often. We haven’t met up since I don’t know. At least we are meeting up again this Sunday in hopes that we can get the Pirates of The Caribbean 3 tickets. If not, we will just hangout like we normally do I suppose. I can’t wait. I miss them a lot.
Wondering why I am being emotional at the moment is because I realized, I am thankful that I have such friends around me. Everyone included who knows me, I mean. No matter what, I could turn to them whenever I in the pits though I try my best to shield my problems from them because I don’t want to trouble them thinking about mine when they have theirs to think about, if you get my drift. “College, there is where you meet your best friends” as quoted from a lecturer who taught me. That particular fact she said, was true.
As I sit here typing this entry, I am recalling back all those times where I first came to the One Academy I was really afraid. I was afraid that I would give a bad impression. I was afraid that I won’t do well. I was afraid of so many things. Later on, things went for the better though not that all great. During my foundation year, it was fine but I was still somewhat held back. In a way where I felt left out and all alone because there was this language barrier that was stopping me to communicate with my classmates most of the time. Then later things really went for the better when I touched my major year. There is where most of the funs things began. Before that I given a bad impression to people but later on, I learn and sort of matured.
Now that I have graduated from college, I realized that when I first went in, I was like a child, but when I left, I am still a child but yet matured to a certain extend. I mend my ways, became slightly tougher and yeah not forgetting making new friends that you can remember for life. I am glad that I went there and made them who know me until today. To all my best friends, friends or whoever I know you and until now still give you a call here and there…thank you so much for being there for me and providing my life with laughter and enjoyment. Thank you so much for going to the limits just to help me out. Thank you for supporting me when I fall. Sorry for being such a pain to you guys because of my stupidity and outburst of rage. Thank you so much especially for actually putting up with me. That is what is most important. Thank you so much and I really appreciate it and you always know that I am here for a call or a chat and also, to help. Love you guys to bits!
Before I end this entry, I am sorry for typing this emotional entry because I realized that I never properly thank you all for what you have done.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Chapter : Graduation Present?
Nothing much has happen these past few weeks, at most…months. The only big thing that happens was my junior batch had their exhibition launch which I was too lazy to go in the end. Not only that, my parents organized another open house party for their dancing friends. So technically, I was pretty busy during the days before the day of the party was held.
My parents dancing friends are what I should say, rich and err…mighty? Not so exaggerated but think of it this way, if your mom is so particular on how you should cut the squid, which means they mean something right? I mean, who would look at how you cut the squid when all you do it pile it onto your plate and put it in your mouth? Oh well, guess that my mom is really particular with “details”. Also that night, I saw my brother’s best friend whom the last time I saw him, he was a tiny little bean sprout and then now he is a grown up kid with a growth spurt that it is “uncontrollable”. Okay, I am just exaggerating that uncontrollable part. Anyway, my brother’s best friend’s brother is supposed to come but he was working that night and I still have yet to see how he looks like after a year or two since I last saw him. I mean, it may be a short period of time but people do change within that period of time.
I have finally started with my portfolio, well, sort of. I have been trying to draw life drawings by looking at the life drawing poses from a site which Beatrice passed to me which I found it really effective. Unfortunately due to my lack of capability to draw, everything looks like a 3 year old drawing. How in the world an artist could be an artist when she can’t draw? Not that I am an artist for that matter, but it is just a way of saying it.
On the lighter side of things, my new Pilipino maid is superb in cooking. Which is a bad thing to me due to the fact that I am trying to lose weight in a bad way by dieting which is doesn’t work for me since I love to eat. Can you believe it now as I type that I am craving for McDonald’s nuggets? I remember telling Joey that I was craving for Nabe, sukiyaki and takoyaki. She asked me to go and find and buy so I could stop my cravings. Speak of the devil; my maid just passed me a big bowl of noodles. I tell you I can’t diet when she is around. Whoever comes to my house for a stay I think they will never go hungry cause when my maid is awake you can ask her to cook and she will gladly do it for you. The only time where I can starve myself it at the late nights (and when my maid is asleep) which well, I am supposedly not to eat anyway but yeah. I always tell myself that I should start exercising but never had the heart to do so. Maybe I should drag Joey into the gym with me and at least I have someone to talk and laugh with in there.
Another thing that my mom brought up was she asked me where I want to go for our annual family year end holidays and I replied,
“The places I want to go you people can’t afford.”
“Where do you want to go? As long not Europe countries then it is fine,” she said.
“Japan or Korea,” I said.
“Can, maybe we can go to Hokkaido which mommy’s friend went, say very nice and stay at the ski resort there,” she said.
Those sentences left me astounded. SKI RESORT? But I mustn’t put such high hopes on going to Japan since I still have yet to think about the money where my parents need to support me throughout my education. Dear lord, please let me complete my portfolio fast enough so my dad would take a leave out of my book and stop pestering me.
My dad surprised me yesterday but popping this question
“What do you want for you graduation present?”
I nearly died choking on my food whereas my brother said,
“Since when got such thing?”
“Papa say so got,” was my dad’s reply.
“I don’t know one…I don’t have this thing also,” my brother said.
“Cause you are still in secondary school whereas I finished my 3 years in college,” I said.
“Chi…” was the reply.
But I didn’t answer my dad because I have no idea what I want for my graduation present. Should I asked him to give me cash which I think it would be the last thing my dad would do if I suddenly ask him to give me a few thousands. Joey suggested that I should get a doll but I asked my mom light heartedly
“Daddy was giving me a graduation present; can I ask him to give me a doll?”
“What kind of doll, you are talking about?” she asked.
“The ones that Joey has?” I replied.
“Huh?? Those? Cannot! So freaky,” she said.
So I was back to square one of thinking of what to get. Any suggestions?
My parents dancing friends are what I should say, rich and err…mighty? Not so exaggerated but think of it this way, if your mom is so particular on how you should cut the squid, which means they mean something right? I mean, who would look at how you cut the squid when all you do it pile it onto your plate and put it in your mouth? Oh well, guess that my mom is really particular with “details”. Also that night, I saw my brother’s best friend whom the last time I saw him, he was a tiny little bean sprout and then now he is a grown up kid with a growth spurt that it is “uncontrollable”. Okay, I am just exaggerating that uncontrollable part. Anyway, my brother’s best friend’s brother is supposed to come but he was working that night and I still have yet to see how he looks like after a year or two since I last saw him. I mean, it may be a short period of time but people do change within that period of time.
I have finally started with my portfolio, well, sort of. I have been trying to draw life drawings by looking at the life drawing poses from a site which Beatrice passed to me which I found it really effective. Unfortunately due to my lack of capability to draw, everything looks like a 3 year old drawing. How in the world an artist could be an artist when she can’t draw? Not that I am an artist for that matter, but it is just a way of saying it.
On the lighter side of things, my new Pilipino maid is superb in cooking. Which is a bad thing to me due to the fact that I am trying to lose weight in a bad way by dieting which is doesn’t work for me since I love to eat. Can you believe it now as I type that I am craving for McDonald’s nuggets? I remember telling Joey that I was craving for Nabe, sukiyaki and takoyaki. She asked me to go and find and buy so I could stop my cravings. Speak of the devil; my maid just passed me a big bowl of noodles. I tell you I can’t diet when she is around. Whoever comes to my house for a stay I think they will never go hungry cause when my maid is awake you can ask her to cook and she will gladly do it for you. The only time where I can starve myself it at the late nights (and when my maid is asleep) which well, I am supposedly not to eat anyway but yeah. I always tell myself that I should start exercising but never had the heart to do so. Maybe I should drag Joey into the gym with me and at least I have someone to talk and laugh with in there.
Another thing that my mom brought up was she asked me where I want to go for our annual family year end holidays and I replied,
“The places I want to go you people can’t afford.”
“Where do you want to go? As long not Europe countries then it is fine,” she said.
“Japan or Korea,” I said.
“Can, maybe we can go to Hokkaido which mommy’s friend went, say very nice and stay at the ski resort there,” she said.
Those sentences left me astounded. SKI RESORT? But I mustn’t put such high hopes on going to Japan since I still have yet to think about the money where my parents need to support me throughout my education. Dear lord, please let me complete my portfolio fast enough so my dad would take a leave out of my book and stop pestering me.
My dad surprised me yesterday but popping this question
“What do you want for you graduation present?”
I nearly died choking on my food whereas my brother said,
“Since when got such thing?”
“Papa say so got,” was my dad’s reply.
“I don’t know one…I don’t have this thing also,” my brother said.
“Cause you are still in secondary school whereas I finished my 3 years in college,” I said.
“Chi…” was the reply.
But I didn’t answer my dad because I have no idea what I want for my graduation present. Should I asked him to give me cash which I think it would be the last thing my dad would do if I suddenly ask him to give me a few thousands. Joey suggested that I should get a doll but I asked my mom light heartedly
“Daddy was giving me a graduation present; can I ask him to give me a doll?”
“What kind of doll, you are talking about?” she asked.
“The ones that Joey has?” I replied.
“Huh?? Those? Cannot! So freaky,” she said.
So I was back to square one of thinking of what to get. Any suggestions?
Friday, April 20, 2007
Chapter: Masion
Yesterday was the first time in my life that I went to a club. Technically, I wasn’t clubbing because all I did was just sat there and drink while I watched the others dance. It all began when I was waiting for Candy to arrive around 9 something which he said. I started to get ready around 8pm and it was just enough time because when I just finished putting some final touched with my make-up then he messaged me that he was outside my house. He wanted to assure to my mom that I am in safe hands. The conversation went like this,
“Don’t worry, Aunty, I will assure you that your daughter will be in good hands,” he said.
“Are you sure? What time are you planning to send her back?” my mom asked.
“Err, around 2-3am,” he replied.
“She has work tomorrow,” my mom said. “Ting, what time do you have to go to work tomorrow?”
“Around 12pm,” I replied.
“Make sure that she doesn’t drink because she is still underage,” my mom said.
“Yes, aunty,” he said.
After that we left the house, we went to pick Eugene at his place. We arrived earlier and we had to wait for a while because Eugene was getting ready. It took a while until Eugene beckons us to come into his house which totally freaked me out. I saw his dad, mom and sister and Candy was telling Eugene’s dad that I am Su Yee’s sister. My sister and Eugene knew each other since primary school.
After that we head off to Masion which was at located in town. It has been a while since I been to town and I saw it was pretty nice at night cause there weren’t much cars around and it was pretty peaceful. We arrived at the place earlier then usual so we went to mamak to drink. So we sat there for a while talking and joking then we head off to Masion. Reaching there, I saw a huge crowd of people lingering outside the club and I spotted Ken Nie, Chiong Kor, Mohan and Joel. We went there to say hi and such and I spotted Nicklaus in the midst. Nick came with Lisa, Shaun and Julian, his bunch of friends.
After greeting them, then it was time to head into the club. The bouncer requested for our identification card so ensure that we weren’t underage and thank god that I am 19 now. After that the bouncer chopped our arms with it stated “Happening Club”. I was with Candy because I am under his care. Candy showed me around the club and telling me where the toilets are and also showing me the dance floor of the podium and such. I just sat there drinking Chivas mixed with Coke. I haven’t tasted Chivas before so I was pretty much happy that I am drinking some expensive drink.
But after drinking that drink, my face turned really hot and it was BRIGHT red. Thankfully that it was dark in the club so they couldn’t really see much of my face colour, though I could feel that my face is burning really hot and I kept fanning myself so I could cool down. Eugene and Candy kept pestering me to dance but I kept declining their offer because I can’t dance to save my life. So instead I took the opportunity to bully Chiong Kor. The first time I met him was somewhere in Damansara Jaya when he was with the rest of the boys playing Dota. He was hiding in the car, hugging the pillow and refuses to come out and it gave me a huge impression that he was a quiet and shy kid. Who knew that when I saw him that night at the club, that particular impression was totally gone from my mind? He was talkative and funny. He wasn’t the same person that I met that night. I kept pestering him saying “Are you the same person I met who hides in the car hugging the pillow?” It made him speechless and didn’t want to answer my question. It was so amusing.
At first things were starting off slowly, pretty dead but went it touches the peak around 12pm almost to 1am, things started to pick up. People were dancing, people were screaming, laughing, technically, letting loose. I was just observing my surroundings because after all, it was my first time being in the club. I just sat there chilling while I watched the others dancing, drinking. Most of the time, I was drinking a non-alcoholic drink which was Coke. Only at certain times I drank Chivas mixed with Coke which was mixed either by Eugene or Candy. I think I only drank around 2 glasses of those. I wasn’t drunk but my face was really red from what I can feel from the heat.
People were going wild around our table and also the people at our table were going wild themselves too. It was really a thing to see. Most of the time they went down to the dance floor to let loose or for the guys, more like….picking up the hot chicks. As usual, I just sat at the table drinking my Coke and observing the crowd. I was really taken care of though. By Candy and Eugene, I felt like a little princess. Even though I didn’t dance, I just sat down at the table talking to Chiong Kor and teasing him in a way by asking him to and dance with some chicks. But his reply to me was really amusing. He kept saying, “I don’t want to dance with them! I want to dance with you only! Come la! If you dance I dance!” I was like thinking, “Is he drunk?”
After the hype, things start to mellow down because the club was going to close. People were finishing the bottle of Chivas which they ordered and dancing a few more rounds before the DJ stop spinning the music. After that, the lights turned out and the music stops and everyone have to leave. Candy made sure that I was with him most of the time. He guided me out and we headed to the mamak place where we sat earlier to drink. I was pretty worn out even though I didn’t dance but sat most of the time because in the club, it was stuffy and smoky. Everyone was smoking and my hair now stinks of cigarette smoke. It is like a combination of all the cigarettes that is sold here in Malaysia. After sitting down in mamak, we headed off saying our good byes to Chiong Kor and Ken Nie because they came with Mohan.
I bid my good byes to Nicklaus and Julian and Nick’s friend, May if I could recall her name. I sat in the car stoning because my eyes were painful because I was wearing contact lenses and it was really dry due to all the smoke in the club.
Candy sends Eugene home and then only he sends me home. Candy actually walked me up to my house because I was acting a little wacky by acting, drunk. Then I hugged him good bye and said thanks for taking care of me. When I reached home, I took off my make-up, earrings, and changed into my pajamas and plopped myself to bed. Then I received a text message from Candy saying that he just puked at the drain near my house and I got worried if he is able to go back home now. He said that he is fine and he just puked because he drank too much Coke. This was the first time I am hearing that someone pukes because of drinking too much Coke. Nevertheless, he text messaged me later saying that he arrived home and taken some medicine and was going to bed.
The next day which was today, I woke up with a strained neck which I think it was caused because I was sleeping the wrong way and I gotten myself with a slight fever. I told Candy that I won’t be able to join him for dinner because I gotten myself sick and I have already taken a leave off from work. But I must say that going to a club for the first time was really much an enjoyable experience though I didn’t see any of them drunk and going wild. Maybe if they are going clubbing again and decide to invite me again, I may join them or maybe not…it depends.
“Don’t worry, Aunty, I will assure you that your daughter will be in good hands,” he said.
“Are you sure? What time are you planning to send her back?” my mom asked.
“Err, around 2-3am,” he replied.
“She has work tomorrow,” my mom said. “Ting, what time do you have to go to work tomorrow?”
“Around 12pm,” I replied.
“Make sure that she doesn’t drink because she is still underage,” my mom said.
“Yes, aunty,” he said.
After that we left the house, we went to pick Eugene at his place. We arrived earlier and we had to wait for a while because Eugene was getting ready. It took a while until Eugene beckons us to come into his house which totally freaked me out. I saw his dad, mom and sister and Candy was telling Eugene’s dad that I am Su Yee’s sister. My sister and Eugene knew each other since primary school.
After that we head off to Masion which was at located in town. It has been a while since I been to town and I saw it was pretty nice at night cause there weren’t much cars around and it was pretty peaceful. We arrived at the place earlier then usual so we went to mamak to drink. So we sat there for a while talking and joking then we head off to Masion. Reaching there, I saw a huge crowd of people lingering outside the club and I spotted Ken Nie, Chiong Kor, Mohan and Joel. We went there to say hi and such and I spotted Nicklaus in the midst. Nick came with Lisa, Shaun and Julian, his bunch of friends.
After greeting them, then it was time to head into the club. The bouncer requested for our identification card so ensure that we weren’t underage and thank god that I am 19 now. After that the bouncer chopped our arms with it stated “Happening Club”. I was with Candy because I am under his care. Candy showed me around the club and telling me where the toilets are and also showing me the dance floor of the podium and such. I just sat there drinking Chivas mixed with Coke. I haven’t tasted Chivas before so I was pretty much happy that I am drinking some expensive drink.
But after drinking that drink, my face turned really hot and it was BRIGHT red. Thankfully that it was dark in the club so they couldn’t really see much of my face colour, though I could feel that my face is burning really hot and I kept fanning myself so I could cool down. Eugene and Candy kept pestering me to dance but I kept declining their offer because I can’t dance to save my life. So instead I took the opportunity to bully Chiong Kor. The first time I met him was somewhere in Damansara Jaya when he was with the rest of the boys playing Dota. He was hiding in the car, hugging the pillow and refuses to come out and it gave me a huge impression that he was a quiet and shy kid. Who knew that when I saw him that night at the club, that particular impression was totally gone from my mind? He was talkative and funny. He wasn’t the same person that I met that night. I kept pestering him saying “Are you the same person I met who hides in the car hugging the pillow?” It made him speechless and didn’t want to answer my question. It was so amusing.
At first things were starting off slowly, pretty dead but went it touches the peak around 12pm almost to 1am, things started to pick up. People were dancing, people were screaming, laughing, technically, letting loose. I was just observing my surroundings because after all, it was my first time being in the club. I just sat there chilling while I watched the others dancing, drinking. Most of the time, I was drinking a non-alcoholic drink which was Coke. Only at certain times I drank Chivas mixed with Coke which was mixed either by Eugene or Candy. I think I only drank around 2 glasses of those. I wasn’t drunk but my face was really red from what I can feel from the heat.
People were going wild around our table and also the people at our table were going wild themselves too. It was really a thing to see. Most of the time they went down to the dance floor to let loose or for the guys, more like….picking up the hot chicks. As usual, I just sat at the table drinking my Coke and observing the crowd. I was really taken care of though. By Candy and Eugene, I felt like a little princess. Even though I didn’t dance, I just sat down at the table talking to Chiong Kor and teasing him in a way by asking him to and dance with some chicks. But his reply to me was really amusing. He kept saying, “I don’t want to dance with them! I want to dance with you only! Come la! If you dance I dance!” I was like thinking, “Is he drunk?”
After the hype, things start to mellow down because the club was going to close. People were finishing the bottle of Chivas which they ordered and dancing a few more rounds before the DJ stop spinning the music. After that, the lights turned out and the music stops and everyone have to leave. Candy made sure that I was with him most of the time. He guided me out and we headed to the mamak place where we sat earlier to drink. I was pretty worn out even though I didn’t dance but sat most of the time because in the club, it was stuffy and smoky. Everyone was smoking and my hair now stinks of cigarette smoke. It is like a combination of all the cigarettes that is sold here in Malaysia. After sitting down in mamak, we headed off saying our good byes to Chiong Kor and Ken Nie because they came with Mohan.
I bid my good byes to Nicklaus and Julian and Nick’s friend, May if I could recall her name. I sat in the car stoning because my eyes were painful because I was wearing contact lenses and it was really dry due to all the smoke in the club.
Candy sends Eugene home and then only he sends me home. Candy actually walked me up to my house because I was acting a little wacky by acting, drunk. Then I hugged him good bye and said thanks for taking care of me. When I reached home, I took off my make-up, earrings, and changed into my pajamas and plopped myself to bed. Then I received a text message from Candy saying that he just puked at the drain near my house and I got worried if he is able to go back home now. He said that he is fine and he just puked because he drank too much Coke. This was the first time I am hearing that someone pukes because of drinking too much Coke. Nevertheless, he text messaged me later saying that he arrived home and taken some medicine and was going to bed.
The next day which was today, I woke up with a strained neck which I think it was caused because I was sleeping the wrong way and I gotten myself with a slight fever. I told Candy that I won’t be able to join him for dinner because I gotten myself sick and I have already taken a leave off from work. But I must say that going to a club for the first time was really much an enjoyable experience though I didn’t see any of them drunk and going wild. Maybe if they are going clubbing again and decide to invite me again, I may join them or maybe not…it depends.
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